Woot!! It’s finally summer and I’m so elated that I don’t have to come to school for classes. Being occupied with personal matters, it didn’t cross into my mind that I have been missing out a lot on new things. But I shall not go into details of my disappearance because I have no obligation to do so.

Anyways, I’ve finally completed all the credits needed for my transfer and ready to apply for colleges. I really hope I can leave for the States by January 2009. I’m willing to take any chances given, wherever it takes me to. Most importantly, I want to learn the course which reflects my passion. I’ve been holding back for so long; and this time, I want to make sure that things work out. Dad has left this world and everyone now has future plans of their own. Most of my friends have also left for good - it feels kinda empty and awkward without them around. Still, I feel really grateful that they’re there during the lowest point of my life. If not for them, I wouldn’t be able to survive this semester.

Life is really unpredictable. We only realize how precious life is until we see something near us disappears. In retrospect, I have changed a lot over the past few months and learned not to expect too much. During my most recent setback, I realized that the people whom you expect to be here for you … never exist at all. Strangely, it’s the people whom I’m not close to are the ones who have been giving me emotional support, while those whom I’ve always thought to be loyal for a long time … they  just ditched me. I guess it doesn’t pay to be kind after all. Plus …it’s sickening to live such a monotonous life, seeing the same stuffs and people bugging me over stupid things. I neither want a life full of obligations nor constantly do things just to please people. Unfortunately, this always happens when people feel distanced, and they try to gain the so-called lost attachment by controlling and using unnecessary faults as personal attacks. It’s so ironic that they continue struggling for control over something, since clearly they are not in control of themselves. 

[To Aaron, Sajib and Maman … I’m sure you guys know what I’m talking about after that incident]

Now back on the track, I have been working on and off for my school to kill some time. I don’t earn that much and they take such a long time to process my wages, but at least I get the exposure to try different types of jobs available. So now, I am looking at how I can make use of this summer vacation, apart from handling my college applications. I want to rebuild my life in my own ways and ensure that I get to go where I want to go, in a piece of mind. As what Aaron and Sajib have told me last time, “Listen to one, do another, it’s your life, to whom it’s the end are you. So never fear because life moves on”. I just want to be happy, so I always keep my options open and not bind myself with rules. In other news, I’m gonna meet Herman in a few weeks. I can’t wait to go over and chill out with him!! Five years of friendship and still counting … I’m so happy that I have such an awesome buddy whom I can bullcrap with, and he’s the only guy who can go shopping with me!! Woooo Hoooo!!! Two weeks over there and I’m so excited!! I’m really looking forward to these moments and not to forget, the new beagle!!! No curfews … No need to answer stupid phone calls … No rotting around … No errands … No need to deal with irritating people!! Nooooooooo neeeeeeddddddd!!! Muahahahahaha!!! 

I just dreamt of that last Holy Communion again. I miss you NORAA!! Not to forget the rest of the peeps: Vin, Jess, Kaori, Sajib, Kevin, Janet, Mika, Rohan, Maman, etc. I love you all!! Thank you for everything!!

Currently listening to Viva La Vida by Coldplay

It’s almost two months since I last post my entry. Let’s just say that I have lost my interest in blogging. I have been rotting my life away in meaningless ways during the school holidays, and again, I could not even go for any vacation trips. I seriously need to do something about my life here and should stop waiting on SOME PEOPLE who always give me empty promises. Now that my close friends are back in Singapore, I don’t have to live a life of a hermit anymore. It feels like I’ve completely lost touch with the world and I need to replenish my mind. Well the new term in school isn’t that exciting, since the timetable is messed up and I’m only taking four subjects. Four general education subjects and only two of them (I think?) are useful for my transfer to the States. But I am confident that I can handle it way better for this semester. Just like what I always do all these time: BULLSHIT MY WAY THROUGH and I will definitely pass. Believe me, I have never failed any of my subjects so far and that also includes of never scoring a D. For this New Year, I actually made some resolutions for my own good.

1)     Drink Less … I mean not to dehydrate myself, but to cut down on my alcohol intake. It’s just that during the last few months, I’ve been partying with friends and drinking non-stop to drown my sorrows. I’m not taking any chances of developing beer belly or hormonal imbalance.

      2)     Clear my stuffs and sell them away quickly before I move out of Singapore.
 

3)     Do something about my course transfers to the States ... BCC is so darn slow in processing it.

4)     Chase after the morons who still owe me my stuffs or money perhaps.

5)     Stay away from people as best as possible ==> I’ve become cynical over the time and realized that too much of human interaction is the fatal flaw that leads to your downfall. Thus, I’ve also turned into an agnostic on the view of religion. I already have enough good friends, so I ain’t desperate in asking for more since I’m leaving soon.

There, just 5 simple resolutions and I’m not asking for anything else. Chinese New Year is coming next week, but I’m not fully looking forward to it because this whole event is more to spending time with family. As some of you know, I am not family-oriented because of the way I grew up, and I was always alone since my ugly childhood days. Besides I am only close to my 3^rd elder sis, and we don’t make fuss over stupid things, unlike everyone else.  Talking about festive seasons, I had some random conversation when I hung out with Aaron, Jessica and Rohan last Saturday. I realized that we have almost similar thinking on this issue. We hate Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving and any other occasions that involve large family-gathering and mundane stuffs.  Here are our reasons:

*    Christmas ==>When it’s time to give, it’s also time to lose.

Just because it’s always end of the year, it doesn’t signify anything. My dear friends, I am sure you all agree that this is just some marketing scheme lured by the greedy business corporations and some corrupted, self-proclaimed HOLY organizations.

*    Valentine’s Day ==> The CORNIEST CELEBRATION ever to exist in the universe!!! I feel terribly sorry for those who chunk their money away on useless gifts and flowers-soon-to-wither. Valentine just happened to appear from the name of two men who were Christian martyrs!!! I’m so glad that I never have to make such a big deal of this stupid occasion with any of my ex-flames.

*    Thanksgiving ==> I’ve never been through it before, but according to NORAA, the great master chef from Le Cordon Bleu, it’s all about the turkey feast that becomes the big deal. LOL!!!

Not that we have anything against traditional beliefs, but we feel that all these commercialized celebrations have resulted in human congestion. What do we gain from all these? Limited pleasure that will be forgotten in time? Somehow, I find that the Hindu Deepavali and Muslims Hari Raya celebrations are more significant as these communities are more humble in their own ways. These two communities don’t even need large human congestion to display the pride of their own heritage.

Time now is 15 minutes to 5 a.m. I shall conclude this post and go to bed.  I still have Macroeconomics class at 12.30 p.m. later and must get up by eleven o’clock!! Well, at least I finally managed to write something here. I’m now missing all my friends already!!! I hope I can hang out with them this coming weekend and we'll probably have an outing very soon. Till next time peeps!!! Au revoir!!! 

                          --------Listening to Mirror by Ayumi Hamasaki ---------

Time now is 1.50 a.m. Boy am I glad that I’ve cleared two of my major assignments. I just finished Children’s Literature exam on Monday.  Surprisingly, it’s easier than what I expected. One subject down … Four more to go!!! It won’t be long before the holidays and I hope I can get through this. I know it’s kind of early to say it but I actually made a list of the things for this miserable holiday season.

1)      I wish that people would stop finding faults with me coz I don’t think it’s necessary to waste my life dealing with stupid things.

2)    Enforce my message on some morons who still ask me about things between me and my ex. I don’t understand how some people still expect me to be with that dude when we’ve broken up for more than a year. I wish they would just shut the hell up and find someone else to bang around.

3)    Clear my old stuffs and sell them away quickly. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, but I’m always busy with school.

4)   Venture more into cooking and baking. Food is all about love and I want to show my love to the people around me … through their stomachs.

5)    Travel!!! Anywhere is fine, if it’s possible as long I can escape Singapore. But it seems that I might not be able get the chance. I hate seeing the same faces everyday!!!

6)    Catch up with some people whom I really adore coz it just feels like a century since I last met them.

7)     Get good grades so that I can transfer to a good Uni in USA!!

8)    Dress!!! School’s graduation dinner is coming and I want to look GLAM!!! But I’ve set a budget as well coz it’s just pointless to spend so much for one event.

9)    Save up for Nintendo DS Lite or Nintendo Wii!! Actually Nintendo Wii is waaayyy awesome!!!

10)  Get a new mp3 player. Still considering this … but it seems that only i-Pod provides the best selections and I’m not a big fan of that brand.

11)        New purse. Time to put my old Jack Skellington wallet to rest.

12)       New shoes!!! Not just heels, but sport shoes and sandals too!!

13)      New bags and clutches!!! My bags are wearing out!!!

14)      New make-up sets ... Something I can’t live without!!

15)       X’Mas prezzy for my sis.

16)      Cut down on binge eating and drinking … I definitely need to control myself. I must stop drinking after Random III … until I lose some weight.

17)       New nighties and garments.

18)      Keep up with the latest anime that I’ve been missing out.

19)      New piercing. I know this sounds lame, but I’m having a skin irritation from my right ear.

20)     Finally … FOIE GRAS!!! I don’t care what it takes as long as I get to eat it and, it must be fresh and tender!!!

21)       Hair extension … just a lil’ bit of blue or purple. Don’t know why but I just want to look different for once.

I guess that’s all. I know the list is odd since there are 21 of them. I mean … the number does coincide with the age I’m turning to in 3 months time. But when I look over them again, majority of them are just personal things to make myself feel good. One thing that I really want is just to go MIA and nothing else. It doesn’t matter even if I were alone coz the way I’m living rite now is not helping me in any way. People ask me whether I’m ok and I just said “YES, Don’t worry about me”. The truth is that's always not the case. A white lie will always be the most convenient answer. Everyone will be saying the same things: “Hang in there” or “Please take good care of yourself”. So I’m sick of listening to the same old stuffs.

Somebody told me before, “What's the point of holding onto a friendship when the other party doesn't even give a fuck even though both of you are drifting apart?” Actually, I don’t give a damn either coz I already sensed it from long ago and my efforts to communicate with the other party were useless. Enough of craps like “Yeah I hope to see you soon” and “I miss you! Let's meet!!”

If you want to meet me, then you should start doing something about it instead of just saying it. I realized that people who do this are only associated as “Far acquaintances”.  These morons will just pop out of nowhere and approach me when they are bored and lonely or need my help. I don't need many friends. Those who stick around, matters more to me.

I think the same case can also be referred to this lame term called “LOVE”. I see it as a circle and it’s never eternal. The beginning is always fresh as a rose, but throughout the progress, things may end up in bitter or awkward manner. To those of you who feel that you’ve found “THE ONE” for yourselves, then good for you. No offense though, but why lead your life so superficially? I think there’s more to life rather than immersing yourself in commitments like marriage and starting a family. We are all going to die anyway. As far as how I’ve witnessed things in life, humans will always want to gain benefits. In marriage, they will always expect:

a)     Financial securities -> If there’s no assets, do you think people still have the guts to flaunt their wealth to the whole world?

b)    Pleasure from heavy sexual activities which happens mostly once in a blue moon. Unless one side of the party becomes unfaithful and starts fucking around with another affair.

c)     Children to continue the family line -> The convenience of having children is so that everyone can be dependent on one another until they die. In another retrospective, things can be different if we apply Plato’s teachings from The Republic: “Separating children from their natural parents since birth”

d)    Social standings -> I’m sure that many people can’t live without it. Thus the reason why so many brainless morons enjoy kissing other people’s asses.

Now, that’s just something I derive from my observations. Like what I’ve said beforehand, “No offense”. So don’t take it seriously if you don’t agree with me. My views just happen to be different and I still believe in the freedom of choice. In fact, I actually admire couples who are just contented with each other’s company and don’t believe in having kids. Oh … and I used to think that pre-marital sex is sinful, but when we look at what’s happening today, it is something that will never be avoidable. Some people just can’t contain their infatuations and they need to let it out. One dude used to tell me that if you really like the person, then just do it. But can you really trust the other party wholeheartedly, if you want to get into that stage? That’s just something I can never comprehend how some people can still survive, till today. If not for the bible teachings and the STDs, maybe I would have dared myself to find out more. Hahahahahaha!!! 

1) How Mr. Chaplain (the psychology teacher) has the french-sing accent and calls peoples names randomly in class, as if it is part of his lecture notes
2) How Sarah Small would always challenge Mr. Chaplain (psychology teacher) and Dr. Burik (philosophy teacher)
3) How Kari would not only argue about God in philosophy class but can also go on and on talking about it with anyone
4) How people randomly sneak out of class or anytime they are at school and go to the small convenience shop downstairs to buy snacks and drinks.
5) How Alexander walks in with poise in every class of his and project his views on sexuality
6) Kevin's out of nowhere “CHEE-BAI(s)”
7) Mark's random house parties [Please see Random I & II albums]
8) Kevin playing the arcade thing at the machine by the canteen
9) How Navin, Gautam, Alex and Marco would play the table football thingy
10) How people don’t really like talking to the Dean
11) Floorball trainings during Tuesdays and Fridays
12) Having floorball matches at Valhall and getting injured & high-sticked
13) How smokers meet up by the stairs [90% of the people in my school are heavy smokers]
14) The Halloween parties!
15) Hanging out at the student lounge
16) ICE BOX and entrepreneurship students persuading people to buy
17) TAI TI at the student lounge
18) How people hang out at the computer lab and stay there if they skip class
19) How people sneak out of computer class or come in late because the teacher won't notice anyway
20) College algebra students going crazy about college algebra just because it is so crazy
21) Mr. Yu (the comp apps teacher)'s accent, and how he taught us what rubbish bins are.
22) Alex (Chun Kai) yelling 'BASTARD!' after he sneezed
23) Dr. Steven Burik speaking Dutch. *swoon*
24) Sonia's naggings
25) Kevin cross-dressing for Halloween and dancing to 'My Humps'
26) How people would still bring in food and drinks into the classrooms, in spite of the warnings being posted on every door
27) the super LOUD music at the student lounge
28) people rushing to finish up their assignments at the very last minute and still never learn their lessons
29) Delicious food cooked by Aaron
30) Alexander's generosity for letting his friends eat his preserved fruits and giving them a lift in his car
31) Ms Ann Kinsey (the former Healthful Living teacher) finally got fired for being a lunatic case
32) Mr Thomas (the business teacher) enjoys being called HANDSOME
33) Wangki, Aaron and Rohan’s "VERRRY NIIICE"
34) Aaron bringing his guitar and playing random Spanish guitar tunes he composed
35) Howard, Karina and Aaron talking intensely about Ice Box
36) Mr. Lance's (the law teacher) frisbee golf sessions
37) Certain people with HUBRIS (look it up if you don’t know what it means) that will cause their downfall just because its their fatal flaw
34) Rumors that go around like a virus
35) Nicol’s funny reactions towards not so innocent things
36) Somehow associating beer with the Dean ..... [probably the big belly?]
37) All the drama
38) Howard getting all pissed at floorball and ready to attack everytime he has the ball
39) Jibby crashing Dhika’s place
40) Kevin talking about computer games
41) Howard sitting behind his laptop during philo and him and karina living in silence during class
44) Having a tough time saying Chittij when he first came
45) How Alexander said the word masturbation in an obscene manner while Vin was talking to the dean about something important
46) Hanging out and eating at the room beside the computer lab
47) Mark and Agnes being siblings (meaning they live in the same house) but they hardly come to class together
48) Strange noises Aaron make and the dinosaur giving birth noise
49) Nicol’s cute gullibility
50) Bringing drinks to the student lounge
51) Joanna's random hyper trips
52) Sajib and Dhika's Djarums cigarettes
53) Vin's philosophical conversations about Life in the canteen, and everyone just being amazed the way she explains/gives definition to almost anything/everything.
54) Again.....people with "HUBRIS".... ahaha .....Vin finally found this Word For u.
55) Joanna's very out-of-no-where burps!
56) Charlene and Joanna's constant high pitched chit chattering in the G-language and then suddenly bursting out in giggles!!!!!
57) Vin and Nicol's consistent daily routine of kissssssiiinnnggg each other!!! (on the cheek, chill)

58) Everyone in school is alcoholic and narcisstic

59) Alexander's slightly purrrrry "darling" is like the full stop at the end of his sentence. (e.g.: Didn't you know that, darrrrrlingg?) VERY NICE!

60) Wangki's "OH MY GAWD"

61) Navin and his donuts

I’m in the mood to write an entry right now. At this very odd hour, I’m lazy to work on my business essay even though it’s due tomorrow. RAAAAAHHHHH!!! Just feeling lethargic and having no motivation or whatsoever. Why? Why? Why? Why does this always happen to me at a very critical time?!?!  Huuuuaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!  Well, at least I’ve already studied for my French test. So I hope I can make my notch coz I did really bad last time. I shall wear my LUCKY tee-shirt tomorrow. In case you all are wondering what the hell it is, buzz me and I’ll tell you. Muahahahahaha!!!

The past one week so far had been good to me. Let’s see … I managed to focus well in my Business Law test 3. So I hope I get better marks this time. On a brighter side, I actually got B for my Intro to Business essay on the Jimmy Choo company. Plus, I also did well on the pop quiz. At least, this really pulled up my overall grades and I’m glad I had put in my effort.  Dad is surprisingly being obedient this time, and came to the see doctor for his follow-up on Wednesday. Oh … and I even made the wisest choice for not coming to school on Deepavali’s Day. Apparently, the Dean forgot that there was Children’s Literature class. Four of my friends came and waited for almost two hours. Poor fellas. They waited outside the lecture halls, out of nothing, and he didn’t turn up. Well, at least he had apologized to them. LOL!!! Instead I went to Navin’s house for celebration. Food was awesome and of course, there were games sessions and cam-whore acts. I made fruity jelly at home for the party and …… everyone loved it!!! It wasn’t too sweet and they said the taste is just perfect.  I’m so proud of myself. Staying up at 3 am was worth the effort after all!!! But too bad, I forgot to take photo of the jelly. Well, maybe next time when I make a new one. I still owe one to Lilah.

After a long time, I finally get to meet Lilah on Friday. As usual, we started our bitching sessions and I never fail to say something gross, especially about snapping my finger on the HO HO HO’s _ _ _ _. Oh and not to forget about the Tab-TV thingy. Whuahahahaahaha!!!  We wanted to catch up a late-night movie but the timing was wrong. So we went to Starbucks for a chit-chat instead. We’ve made some plans and after much talking, we realized that we cannot TAHAN staying in Singapore for so long. We desperately need to go for a vacation and escape from the faces of the lunatic morons.

As for the weekends, nothing much happened. I only accompanied my mum to Chinatown, on Saturday, to buy some stuffs. And today, I wasted my life away by sleeping like a dead log.  This coming week will be a busy time for me and I don’t think I can meet my friends for dinner. I don’t have a choice either since the Dean is conducting the Children’s Lit for 3 sessions in a week!!! What’s more there’s presentation on the authors and I’ve yet to read the 3 books!!! There’s still a stupid talk on children’s books and it’s on Friday as well. Plus, the final exam for this subject is on the 20^th of this month.  Aaaarrrggghhh!!!  I swear I’ll never want to take another literature class after this and hopefully, this is the last time. 

How I wish I have superpowers. I don’t know how I’m gonna survive this. If only I wasn’t addicted to FACEBOOK, but still … that thing is AWESOME!!! Y’all should sign up for it!!! It’s waaaaaayyyyyyyyyy cooler and much more fun than My Space, Hi-5 or Friendster!!!  It’s time to go. I have to start on my business essay!! Management really bores me to death!!! 

I’ve been busy lately. Feeling stressed up over school work and things at home.  Each time I’m done with one assignment, another load will come again. Whatever it is, I’ve to make sure that I must reach my targets for all my subjects in this semester.  Yet the busy ness just keeps my mind off from some depressing issues, which is quite beneficial in a way, coz I don’t need to waste money on booze. In fact, I am enjoying the fine art of seeking my own comfort. Learning to keep things to myself coz I am losing my trust in people. It’s not a bad thing after all coz I know that if no one actually gives a damn about you, you still have yourself; that is your consciousness to work on.

I went to Random II house party last Friday, and stayed up until 3.30 am. Good thing I brought a friend along. For once in a long time, I finally enjoyed myself and ignored my curfew even though both my parents are at home. Oh well … who cares anyway? I also get to meet Sonia as well. At least I could drink till I was contented and felt better than staying at home. It’s so difficult to study at home. I mean all I can do is just stare at the computer screen, while having to attend to some SELFISH people. I’m sick of listening to people complaining when they are already insensible to themselves. Besides, no matter how much I try to be nice, they will see me merely as a tool for their own convenience. They come to me when they need help, spout those bull crap praises and after some time, they would just avoid me. All those stupid words, “I’m so thankful that I have someone like you”, “Thank you for being the best person”, “You are so kind. I don’t know what I would do if you were not there”, etc ….  I would rather hear a word of “THANK YOU” instead of those pathetic little poetic sentences. I don’t give a damn about what you do to yourself. But is it wrong for me to just drop by and say HI? What harm will it do if I show some sincerity and engage into a short conversation? I never even asked for anything back in return and I bet no one knows about the shit I have to go through from helping them. It’s so easy for people to ask if I’m ok and then apologize for the things that they did to me. But how many of them really mean it? I can already predict that the same thing will happen again.

Oh well whatever. I’ll just have to be patient for now. In time to come, I’ll be leaving for good. By then, everyone would forget about me. I have lost my personal attachment towards almost everything and don’t see the necessity to entertain anyone. I don’t need anyone to miss me coz they can look for someone else as their spare tires.

I can’t wait for December to come. I desperately need to travel out for vacation (hopefully Lilah can make it). It’s tiring having to see the same faces everyday and I need to clear my mind off. School graduation dinner will be at Grand Hyatt Hotel on 14^th December, followed by RANDOM III party in the presidential suite. It’s going to be the final party, since majority of us are leaving. We shall get ourselves wasted with JAGGERBOMBS all the way throughout the night. A night of mayhem that’s worth to be remembered.  Whuahahahahahahaha!!! 

Trrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! I’m very worn out and my mind is kinda haywire after coming back from a house party at Ocean Park. School has been tiring for me.  But thank God that I’ve made my notch in all my class quizzes. At least I know that I’m doing well.  I just hope that I didn’t mess up for my in-class essay writing for Children’s Lit. I’m only sad at the fact that Sonia has left the school. I’m definitely going to miss her and have no one to consult. **SIGH!!** 

I can’t wait for next week coz I will be getting my pay.  Oh and I’ll be having my mid-term break during the following week after that. Yipppeeee!!!  Anyways, if any of you are wondering about what happened to my assignment from the last post … I’ve actually completed it. I still regretted that I had to skip my Business Law one class just to complete Intro to Business assignment and in the end, I didn’t really submit it on Thursday. My lecturer went through everyone’s work and gave us the chance to make some amendments. So now I’ve completed it. Not sure if I’ve done it well for my 1^st assignment this time. But I’ve printed everything in the school’s library since it’s free!!! 

I received a call from Informatics several hours ago. As some of you know, I’ve officially completed my qualification in Advanced Diploma in Gaming & Animation Technology from that stinking-corrupted academy last year.  Okaaayyy so I’ve got the technical skills in website publishing, video editing, flash and 3D-animation … but my advanced diploma qualification is already useless!! So unimpressed!! ROOOOOAAAAARRRRR!!!  The main issue right now is the stupid graduation ceremony which will be on the 10^th of November at Victoria Theatre. I’m completely in doubts of whether I should apply for it. My ex-schoolmates who were in the same faculty also feel the same way. I mean if it’s only going to be the few of us, then there’s no significance in taking the honors for our IT sector. Another ridiculous thing is we have to pay seventy bucks just to rent the damn gown, plus we still need to put in a $200 deposit!!! On top of that, a $20 ticket must be purchased for every guest we want to invite. Final registration will be on the 8^th October and payments are due on the 15^th October. If we were to attend this ceremony, the attire will be a black academy gown with blue stripe (for Faculty of IT and Engineering Students). Just that stupid gown without the hats of honors!!! What the hell man?!?! I’m quite skeptical about this because almost everything about that institution is never positive. I also don’t see any point in attending it, if no one is gonna come to see me graduate.

As of now, life has been shitty for quite awhile. But I shall not explain whatever that happened. I’m just tired of talking to people and everyone is so busy with their own stuffs.  In fact, I’ve found a pleasure in binge-drinking, after attending the house party at my friend’s place. It actually helps a lot in drowning my sorrows, especially if I can’t find any friends to hear me out. All I do when I’m bored and lonely … is just to indulge into that HIGH sensation. The best part is when I took a few shots of mixers that had 90% of alcohol. I know it’s crazy for taking so much, but somehow, I felt really good each time my stomach burns. Oh and of course I made some new friends. My initial plan of attending the house party was just to collect my philosophy notes from Donald, but I ended up eating and binge-drinking with the others.  I was contemplating of walking home but I took a cab instead. I drank quite a lot but I wasn’t wasted at all … except feeling just a lil’ bit tipsy. Let’s see … I had:

§       3 cups of Baileys – This is my favorite drink!!! 

§       2 cups of Heineken Beer – My favorite beer!!! 

§       2 cups of Bacardi mixed with Sprite

§       ½ a cup of wine that tasted like shit 

§       2 cups of Tequila mixed with Sprite

§       3 cups of Absolute Vodka (of different flavors) mixed with Coke

§       2 cups of Martel

§       1 cup of Chivas

§       3 small shots of mixers (90% of alcohol) --- Fucking awesome!! This was the strongest dose I’ve ever tried & it felt good!!!

§       A cup of cointreau mixed with something else which I can’t remember at all. But it tasted kinda gross!!

I know there were a few other stuffs that I took, but I just couldn’t remember. I definitely love the hamburger and taco snacks made by Aaron - the master chef. They are just awesome!!! Too bad, we couldn’t go further since 5 of us were completely GONE. By then, some of the residents were complaining coz we were too noisy. So we had to clear up and send the wasted ones away, before those damned residents call the cops. Whatever it is, it wasn’t so bad since it’s my first visit to a house party after 2 years.  There’s gonna be another RANDOM one in early November.  Oh well, I’m just gonna end here. Gotta start my reading on Business Law chapters. I will upload the pictures later once my friends are sober enough to send me the rest. I had my fun at the house party. So now it’s back to revision and assignments. I’m gonna try to be a good girl during this weekends.  Till next time!! Ciao!!! 

Finally it’s Thursday and time now is 2:15 a.m. I’m feeling so wasted nowadays. Having no motivation or whatsoever to even do my assignments!!! Thanks to my laziness, I won’t have to sleep tonight coz I’ve yet to start on my Intro to Business essay!!!  Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!! The most unimpressive fact is: I have to submit it later by 3.30 pm!!! Way to go, Margie!!!

I’m ill again for the second time in this month!!! That means, I need to prepare more ass-glue aka herbal candies as a standby for my cough. For the past few weeks, things haven’t been going so well. I desperately need a vacation!!! To begin with, I haven’t been able to concentrate much in school lately. I’m like completely lost at Philosophy rite now and there’s an assignment due on the 12^th October. I’m so screwed!!! I wish someone can help me do my Philosophy assignment. This is so unlike me to say this … I don’t mind paying a hundred bucks as long as it’s written well with no plagiarism!!! Anyone interested? If you do a good job, I’ll cook a good dinner for you. LOL!!! I agree it’s stupid for me to take this subject, but I really need to earn the credits from this semester. Why didn’t I drop it when I had the chance? Huhuhuhuhu!!!! (-_______-“) I had my French test yesterday and it wasn’t that bad. Oh and I finally received my result for Business Law One class quiz. 14 out of 15 marks … just for all the four essay questions I have answered. That’s not so bad for a start of the fall semester. Actually I didn’t finish studying for it coz I was down with cold and fever. I merely just browsed through some of the case studies and law topics that interest me. But then again, this subject is a kick-ass coz all the tests and exams are open book!!! Hahahahahahaha!!! Well, at least I didn’t cheat and I managed to state some of my own arguments. To all the layman out there … any subjects related to LAW are always given as open book for tests and exams. Reason being is because it’s totally impossible to remember all the twenty-seven Amendments of the ‘Constitution of the United States’ … plus the ninety-six articles of the ‘United Nations Convention on Contract for the International Sales of Goods’. Oh and that’s not even inclusive of the Amendments for ‘Uniform Commercial Code’ and ‘Business Corporation Act’

Now to the shittiest moment … Two weeks ago, my fingers on my left hand got stuck at the house door. I think my dad sub-consciously pushed the door. My fingers hurt like hell and I could barely bend the upper joints. They were bleeding and now there’s a clot on my middle finger. In the end, I had to type my assignments only with my right hand. Another scenario was when the skin on my right hand got stuck on the handle of a kettle. My skin almost got ripped off!! 

Anyways, I finally found the time to organize all my anime DVD collections. Those of you who are in my Friendster or MSN contact list, y’all know that I’m selling them away. I just don’t want to have too many stuff with me when I move around next time. Plus it’s such a waste to donate them away since most of the titles cannot be found in the stores. I have over sixty titles and the quality is as good as new. Depending on the number of titles you buy, I’ll be generous in giving you some discounts. Trust me … I’m charging you cheaper than any other movie shops that sell anime. But if there’s no response, I’ll sell them online.

Now is the month of Ramadan. So to all my Muslim friends, especially Lilah & Naim … I hope that this holy month will bring more blessings, wisdom and happiness to you and your family. Through the obstacles that you face, God will always watch over you. So take this time to find more comfort through His Holy Grace. I love both of you very much. Please remember that I’m always around whenever you all need me. 

So many things to do, so little time!! Nevertheless, I can’t wait for mid-October to come!!! I’ll be having my mid-term break from school during this time. Woooo Hoooo!!! Hopefully Dad won’t be so difficult coz I am seriously thinking of leaving for a short vacation during this break. Oh and I had a few rounds of Nintendo Wii games with my schoolmates, in school last week. Kind of exhausting but I swear it was fucking cool!!!  Now, this gives me a new reason to ask for a X'Mas gift!!!  Muahahahaha!!! It'll be great if I have a personal room for a Wii-Wii conference!!!  **Ok ...  that sounds corny!!** Well, I’ve got to get back on my assignment. I don’t wanna get slaughtered by the PRATA professor of mine!! Till next time!!! I’m signing out!!! Au revoir!!!

Time now is 2 am, and here am I munching on pineapple tarts. It’s only been the 2^nd week of school and I feel really exhausted. (-_____-)  I guess that there will be lots of major things happening in this fall term. My plan is that I’ll definitely work extra hard so that I can do well to earn my credits and grades for my general education subjects. I’ll have to make lots of sacrifices to get into US University and I definitely wanna get into Indiana University in Bloomington. I know I’ve been changing my plans many times, but I’ve thought of going to USA instead of Ryerson University in Toronto-Canada. Reason being is because their credibility in the degree courses offered is well-recognized. The degree for the course that I want to pursue is under Bachelor of Science. This is just what I’m looking for because other schools only offer it under Bachelor of Arts. Unlike Ryerson, I don’t have to submit any stupid art portfolios (that even required me to draw a self-portrait of myself) to Indiana Uni. I mean if I’m gonna pursue a degree in the business sector of Fashion Industry, then it’s redundant to submit portfolios unless I am into designing. But most likely, I can only leave for USA by 2009. ***SIGH!!! *** I guess that I’ll stay here until Associate Degree. I’ve already earned 9 credits from the 3 subjects of last semester. This term I’m taking 5 subjects:  Business Law 1, Introduction to Business, Philosophy, Children’s Literature and French. Total is 16 credits and Thank God I didn’t take 20 credits for this term. I realized that it’s so taxing and right now, I’m already having problems managing my time. Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh!!! Whatever it is … I will push myself to work hard in improving my GPA and earn as many credits as possible.

 Well, with problems piling up due to the recent troubles, I’m going into the deeper depth of depression. Nothing will ever end and I hope that I’m not stuck with those kind of stupid things for the rest of my life. It’s already been a big damage and yet, they are still so selfish about it. I just don’t get it at all. Why go for something that will eventually destroy everything? Some people are just never satisfied with what they have. It’s so scary whenever I think about this fact:  MONEY IS THE SOURCE OF COMFORT BUT CAN ALSO BE A LOOPHOLE FOR GREED and EMOTIONAL TRAUMA.

Oh well … whatever!! I’m just gonna do my duty and deal with what I need to do over here. I’m sick of clearing up people’s mess!!! So screw Indo!! While I’m having my difficulties, my two best friends still stand by me. At least, I’ve come to realize the kind of friends I have. And Yes … Lilah and Herman are my only two best friends who stay loyal with me. While the rest of them just shun me away because of where I’m coming from. By the way … I’ve had a stupid conflict with two immature morons lately. I’ve already apologized and did my best to appeal. What else do they want? Because of that, I’m being treated very coldly. So now I’m back to square one, without having any close friends to talk to. I don’t give a damn anyway since they are leaving soon. In fact, I enjoy being on my own coz I have more space and one thing for sure is that … I can focus better! It’s so ridiculous that some people can be so rude and selfish … demanding over something for their own interests. Yet they still let their ego get the better of them. How low can they go?

Anyhoo, my mum is already here and so far, things between us are going well. I met the polar bear a few hours ago and he appears to be a great gentleman. I hope he continues to treat her well and make her happy coz that’s what matters the most. My dad is admitted into the hospital again for another antibiotics treatment coz there’s still infections in his blood. Man … it’s really tiring to bring him back and forth from SGH. I can understand that my dad doesn’t like staying there as he gets bored and lonely. Yet, if he doesn’t follow up … there’ll be more problems. It’s already up to the stage when things just hit the end of the road for him. Six months down the road … will I be prepared to see my father leave this world? Till now, he’s not even aware of his own condition and I just don’t know how to say it to him. However, telling the truth will just cause him to be depressed and I know that he would never be able to accept this reality. Right now, we are doing our best to give him the best treatments and sacrificing many things to prolong his life as best as possible. The price of carrying a heavy grief can be so great, but I know that no matter how messed up life can be … I must continue to learn to give forgiveness and move on by staying strong. I’m doing this with my own will simply because I don’t want to have any regrets when the worst situation happens. Besides, nobody is able to help me and many people will never understand what it feels like to be in my shoes. It’s so easy for them to say “Don’t worry! Things will be fine”, “Accept Jesus and pray to God”, etc … etc … I mean if miracles do exist, then I’m not wrong to say that there’s no need to wake up on the real side of reality!!! Look … I still hold on to my faith, but it’s just so sickening when people spite me based on their own thinking, without sparing a thought for me. So in a way, I am tired of explaining things to people and in turn, I kind of cast myself away from my own friends. I’m sure you all agree with me that personal interests are more important to each individual than being sensitive to other people. But it still makes things better for everyone, rite?

Six months of survival is all that's left for my dad ... I wonder how much tension will  it take before things take a new turn? It’s true that I move on very quickly from all the events that had affected me, but no one can ever understand the shit that I went through. Nobody knows the trauma and loneliness I had during my early childhood, and neither do I expect them to know. So the best treatment I want is people would just stop judging me. Honestly, I’ve reached a point whereby I’m starting to lose trust in people. Losing some things that mean a lot to me also gave me a wake-up call. When they start to drift apart, you’ll realize that they have their own reasons to turn their back on you. At the end of the day, it all comes down to the choice you make for your own life. Everyone is responsible for his or her own well-being. For every moment of welcoming a new day, do you always remind yourself where you come from?

Summer is coming to an end. Within a week , the school new term is going to commence. My holidays so far have been quite boring. Three-quarters of my holidays had been spent rotting at home. When I mean ‘rotting at home’, it means all I do is just eat, sleep, play games, watch anime & roll around the bed. I didn’t even go for any vacation trip. ***SIGH!!!*** How I wish I have money to travel, while there’s still time, yet I am completely broke!! I wonder how I am going to school without any money to pay for my study materials, food and transportation. I wanna sell some of my stuffs away, just so that I can earn some money, but those buyers are such a cheapo!!! When I went to a bookstore in Far East Plaza with Naim a few weeks ago, this moronic faggard  wanted to rip me off by buying my books at 3 for $10!!! There’s no way in hell will I sell them at such a lowly ridiculous price!!! I paid sixty bucks for my Literature books and they’re still as good as new!!! Fucking moron … I hope your business fails one day till you can’t even afford to pay your rent!!! ROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!! At the same time, my family is having major problems too. Haiz!! My dad’s condition has gotten worse and the tumor is already at its progressive state. I’m also worried over my mum back in Indo. 

Anyways, I attended my friend’s wedding on 12^th August. It was very simple and somehow, very meaningful. A very small ceremony with only 30 to 50 guests and ambience was kick-ass!! Without fail, I was indeed the only guest who came in ‘GLAM’ style. The Armenian Church was so beautiful and of course, I love the Victorian Style graveyard in the church garden!!! I’m definitely going back there again for a visit … since it’s open to the general public. It may sound weird for me to say this: That church is actually a perfect place for anyone of you who wants to get cozy with your date. Whatever it is, I want to say ‘Congratulations’ again to the newly-weds, Dhanny and Yully Yana. I hope both of you like the Robomop and make use of it.  Whuehuehuehuehue!!!

Other than rotting, I spent part of my holidays helping Lilah and her family to take care of Lilo  when they were out of state.

[Hi Bone!! Thanks for the earrings!!! I really like them!!! And Thanks for coming over to the hospital to visit my dad as well. I don’t know what I would do if I don’t have my best friend to confide in. You’re the best!!! ]

I also hung out with Han Ju, my Taiwanese friend since primary school and neighbor from 7^th floor. Great time catching up with her and at the very last minute, each of us managed to do a small shopping and bought ourselves something. Oh yeah … I also went to watch a play, Hitting (on) Women. My sis was so kind to accompany me there. So the tickets didn’t go to waste. To be honest, the actual play wasn’t as great as when it was performed as a demo reading skit. The 2^nd leading character was played by another actress and she sux big time!!! I just felt that she enforced too much on her character as a butch such that it ruined everything. I was also disappointed that they actually cut the conversation on ‘Tiger Balsam lubricant’. I think the grossest part was when these lesbian partners were actually making out.  ***PUKE!!!*** It was intense, but still … they got no skills. I think I can do better than them.  ***GRINS!!!***

As of now, I’m eating well. My skin is still prone to nasty breakouts but it has gotten better. I’ll definitely still see a skin doctor when I have money next time. I wanna get it over with before I leave Singapore. My dad has been admitted to the hospital for chemo again on Monday, but unfortunately, the skin infections had gotten worse. The tumor has spread from his head to his face. So the doctors are going to perform a biopsy on him, to find ways in handling the tumor. His second round of chemo was also delayed for many hours because they couldn’t find the blood veins on his hand. On the other hand, my dad eats well today and now he could see with his left eye. During the last weekends, his head was already swelling and started to show infections. The worse case was, his face was badly swollen such that he couldn’t even open his left eye. For now, they can only give him the strongest dosage of chemo since this the end of the road for my dad. Like it or not, we all have to face the reality in preparing for the worst situations. However, given my character of being irrational, I don’t know how I will handle the insults that will befall on my family in the future. I want to help but I don’t have any clue and neither can I have the ability to protect everyone. 

Out of honesty, my heart has become so numb after all the things I’ve went through. It already feels normal to me … from being deserted since childhood, failing, betrayal by your own loved ones, heart-breaks and falling for something that I know I cannot have. I think  the most disappointing thing in life is  when you try to dedicate your best ability and take risks for the person you love, that person eventually leaves you in the dark, even though all you wish in return is just for him to show you some love and appreciate you with respect. It breaks my heart whenever this happens because I know that pain brings more loneliness. However, the fact of reality is there:  UNCONDITIONAL LOVE = EXPECT NO REWARDS.

My life isn’t exactly fantastic, but at the very least, I am glad that I grew up to be a simple person. I’m proud of the fact that I take pride in my appearance. I may look normal but deep  within my mind ….  I always believe that some mysterious things are meant not to be solved simply because they do not exist to be normal. That's why some rules are meant to be broken. Too much bureaucracy can corrupt people’s minds. Oh well, whatever it is, I'm still looking forward to tonight's  drinking outing and Friday's school orientation with my schoolmates  for the new students. I’m getting drowsy and gonna crash to bed now  coz I still need to wake up again to visit my dad in SGH. I hope my dad gets better and most importantly … I always hope that God will always watch over Sis Yulia and my mum ... and keep them safe. I hope He will give us the wisdom to make it through all the problems that are happening right now. Amen!! 

Summer term break is finally here, but somehow, I’m not really excited. Main reason is: I don’t have any confidence in achieving the grades that I aimed for my subjects. I’ve already screwed up my final presentation for public speaking class. Just totally BAD to DISASTER!!  I don’t know how’s the outcome gonna be until all the results are released this Tuesday. I hope that my premonitions are wrong!!! (T_______T)  Father God in Heaven, please help me. Huhuhuhu!! 

Actually, I’ve been very tired lately. I think I’m also having a hormonal imbalance syndrome coz I’ve been getting unusual breakouts which is so painful.  My appetite has also been weird, in a way that I’m never hungry in the day except late at night during 3 am!!!  I’ve been getting migraines more frequently and facing sleeping  problems. (-_____-“) I need to cut my hair and arrange appointment to see doctor for myself as well. Some of my friends have been telling me to keep my hair long and one person (the very SPECIAL one) suggested that I should just trim it. I’ve been wondering whether Katie Holmes’ most recent hairstyle would look better. Guess that I’ll just have to consult my hairstylist.

So now that my holidays are holidays are here. I’ve been thinking what other resourceful things I can do, apart from searching for prospective American universities. I’m going to watch a show on the 18^th August. I’m also gonna visit Lilah’s family more often to catch up the lost time. I miss them so much, especially her mum’s cooking  !!! I absolutely love them, not because she’s my best friend’s family, but they sincerely treat me equally as part of them. I will never forget all their kindness and moral support.  Other than that, I have to renew my dad’s social visit pass before the 14^th. Plus, I’m going to try and do more readings to improve my English!!

Half an hour before my phone alarm rang this morning, my friend sent me a text message … asking for my house address. Apparently, she’s gonna hold her wedding on 12^th August and wanted to mail the invitation card to my place. I guess that I’ll just have to come for her sake since she was so polite about it. I don’t know her that well but at least she was nice to me. The only problem is: my ex-boyfriend and his bro are definitely going to be present, without a doubt!!! I know this because all of them have been good friends for a few years. In fact, I know this girl (who’s getting married) through my ex. Now … doesn’t that make a recipe for disaster? Oh Boi!!!

What am I gonna do about it? I’ve been to an Indonesian-Christian wedding before (which was the day before my ex dumped me). I kind of got the idea of the whole ambience and crowd. But then again … SCREW what people are gonna say about me. I am going to make sure that I will look extremely HOT and GLAMOROUS in that event!!! It will definitely be gazillion times way better than what I wore last year. I will be the one who stands out the most, among all the female guests!!! And yes, even all the old aunties wearing thick make-up and huge-volume-hairdos will lose out!!! I will also make sure that even those vain Indo girls, who wear cheap-ugly-bubble-clothes or Daniel Yam dresses, to crawl in shame, such that their tight leggings will start to reflect their hidden, fat-cellulite-asses!!! 

This is just so coincidental too coz Lilah has to attend her colleague’s wedding on the 18^th of August. Both of us are in the same boat after all. (-______-“)

***FASHION DISASTERS SHALL BEND ON THEIR KNEES & BOW UPON ME!!!*** 

(while playing the Darth Vader tune as the background)

I hope that when the invitation card arrives, she will give me the option to invite another friend along. Then, I can at least find myself a date to go with. Whuehuehuehue!!! Anyone interested? 

Well, I’m gonna crash to bed now. Still have to wake up early to run errand and visit dad in the hospital again. Till next time!! I’m so looking forward to 18^th August!!!  I hope to spend a wonderful and memorable time with ….   Hehehehe!!! 

Before the Marriage:

He: Yes. At last! It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

If you want to know what happens after the marriage, read the conversation again .... but starting from the bottom.

If you think that marriage is like a fairy-tale, then think again! Take that SUCKERS!!!

2 more days … that retarded Moley-Monkey is finally coming over!!! Wooo Hooo!!! I’m looking forward to catch up with him. (^_^)

“Wanna take photos? Let’s do it!!!” That’s what I would always see whenever I go out: People taking photos with their friends or loved ones. Those who live in the same community as me … I’m sure that y’all know neoprint machines are always packed during the weekends. Not just the roads, shopping malls and restaurants … but even public toilets!!!

(For my friends who live in overseas, some of you may not understand the meaning of neoprint machines. They’re actually instant photo-taking machines. Upon choosing your favorite shots and decorating them with fancy writings & designs, they’ll be developed into photo stickers, also called neoprints. Believe it or not, some people can hang out at the neoprint shop for more than an hour, just to take photos in all the machines that are available!!! Assume that there are about 15 neoprint machines in the shop. The price range … depending on the quality of the machines … is from $6 to $11. Just providing that kind of service, the shop could actually earn a large income of revenue!!! No wonder Japan is the pioneer of cool craps!!)

Okay … so of all the places, why did I suddenly mention public toilets? Well, this observation just came into my mind on why most women take the longest time in the toilets. Their reasons will be to relieve themselves of their nature calls, change or tidy up their clothes, combing & re-styling their hair, and add another touch-up to their make-ups. In spite of all this, why would they take another 30 minutes in there? Well, this new factor just adds up to men’s curiosity. Being a woman, I myself don’t even understand how other girls can stand being in the toilet for so long. I realized that taking photographs, in the restrooms … is in the trend nowadays. Seriously, think again … public toilets?!?!

I just don’t understand those weirdos in ‘ARTIFICIAL-BIG-CURLY-HAIR, WITH THICK-STRIKING-MAKE-UPS, AND FAT-CELLULITE-ASSES, COVERED-IN-TIGHT-LEGGINGS … WHILE-SWINGING-AROUND-THEIR-RIPOFF LV/GUCCI bags!!’

I thought that seeing those emo-fashion disasters on the streets was bad enough to cause my eyeballs to pop out. But then again, the sight of them posing in the toilet, just makes me wanna crack up. If not restrooms, those morons would either pose outside LV boutiques or in a cab/bus/ friend’s car. What’s even more unimpressive is by the roadside or perhaps taking photo of their blunt reflection from a glass object (U know like the glass doors in the underground MRT stations?) Here I thought that Asian Fashion needs a major improvement, but I realize that people also need to be educated on the beauty of photography. *Sigh!!!* (-____-) In this modern world, where technology is so advanced, the demands of digital cameras are increasingly becoming more popular among the consumers. It’s cool that now you can more than hundreds of pictures in a large storage of memory card and you can transfer them to your computer. But if 80% of your 160 GB hard-drive is gonna be corrupted with photos that are mostly taken in public restrooms, roadsides or blur reflections on MRT doors … then I can only say that you lead such a miserable life. Look girls … don’t you all have a better life, other than visiting public restrooms? It’s not as if the walls are made of gold or precious stones. In fact, those places are never hygienic. How can you all still be doing your cam-whore acts … even though the toilet is heavily stench with people are pooping or mothers changing their babies’ diapers? If it isn’t for having a urinary system disorder in your bladder, then I can only assume that you gals are toilet-whores. If ‘shoe-whore’ or ‘bag-whore’ can exist in fashion dictionary, then I’m not wrong to say that ‘toilet-whore’ can be used for ads campaign in toilet cleanliness. I wonder if those toilet-whores also take pics of themselves while pooping? Hmmm … Well Boba is always happy & smiling. Perhaps I should take a picture of him showing his big grin when he poop? Hahahahahaha!!!

With regards to blur reflection on glass objects, can someone explain what’s so great about it? Irregardless on how U look at yourself from different angle, you’re still and always be ‘FAT’!!!! Besides, it’s not as if you’re carrying precious BLING from ‘Harry Winston’ or ‘Van Cleef & Arpel’ on you. The terror acts of people being self-obsessed in photography will never end coz people would always try many ways to act cute by doing some stupid facial expressions. All of these can be seen in your online social networking sites. If you are intelligent, I’m sure that you will be able to detect them. I would rather hire someone to paint an artistic portrait of me instead of posing like some childish morons. Whatever it is, the world is so full of fashion disasters, stupid emo-punks & whiny posers. May they find salvation through Satirement.

(Ooh Boi!! I think my mind is already distressed from the Dean’s lectures)

As for now, I’ve been pretty busy lately. I might have to sacrifice my weekends to finish up my tasks. I have to study for my Econs test which will be on Monday plus write up an intro speech for the Public Speaking. Not to forget … a 500-1000 word essay on World Literature!!! Huhuhuhuhu!!! ****My life is so colorful!!! **** That’s a just a sarcasm. Oh yeah ... Boba has been puking a lot lately! Don't know why ... but that silly dog always eats plants.  With regards to school stuffs, I’ve confirmed on taking 3 subjects instead of 2. So people … please wish me luck for World Literature coz I’ve totally screwed up for all the 2 class quizzes given by the Dean!!! Two weeks in school and I already feel the pressure. Oh well … it’s only 2 months for this semester before the new holiday comes. I’m definitely gonna give my shot in everything!!! With school friends likewise, everything is cool. I get along with Emmanuel, Neville, Donald, Chris, Anisa and a few more people. I’m just relaxed as long as I don’t have to reminisce the ghetto times in Chai Chee!!! Bleh!!! I’m bouncing out now. Tomorrow is gonna be another hectic day!! Dad’s appointment at National Cancer Centre … then I still have to run back to school for another orientation and movie night. Very soon … I might revert back to being un-GLAM. This means pale skin & eyebags!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!!

Well … here I am back to writing after so long. Lots of things have happened lately and I have almost reached to the point of losing control of myself. I have lost touch with the world for quite a while that I didn’t realize I missed out so many things. I have taken a break from studies for half a year and that moment has finally ended. ***YAWNS!!! *** (-______-“)

There are so many things in my mind right now and I don’t know where to begin. Some of them are just random stupid stuffs … but it’s my say!!

v I’ve bought a new lip gloss from Christian Dior. For the first time in my life, I’ve decided to be more daring by trying out something that’s darker.

v I’ve bought new pair of David Bitton jeans for 40% off!!! Just brought it for alteration recently. Finally … after so long, I found myself a cool, decent pair of jeans from the sale!!!

v I collected my diploma certificates and official transcripts. Wooo Hooo!!! So this means … “GOODBYE IN-FOR-MONEY!!!”

v I finally managed to meet up some of my friends in the campus after disappearing for 6 months. Hi Naim … thanks for meeting up even though it was only a few minutes. I’m glad to know that you’re doing well. Holler back at me when you’re free (^_^) ***HUGS!!! ***

v Boba looks more GAY-ish in that tight baby-blue singlet.

v Boba now has a playhouse tent & this means his cage won’t be caught in the rain again!!! (^___^) … Winnie the Pooh is indeed amazing!! LOL!!!

v Keiko is getting noisier day by day. That little Chihuahua needs to be taught the finer art of behaving GLAM!!

v The idiotic maid is finally gone!!! Yes people (in case U all are wondering) … the ‘WHINY, CHEAPO, STUCK-UP, SCHEMING, TWO-FACED-BITCH’ has gone back to Indo. So kind to let her fly back in Adam Air!!! Muahahahahaha!!! Air-ticket was so cheap!!! So it was worth spending $108 to get rid of her!!!

v Dad will always continue behaving like an a*****e!!! After whatever has happened in China & he still never learn his lessons. Taking care of him is like wasting my life away!!! So much for getting all the best treatments and yet, he’s never appreciative!!! He never fails to spoil my day with his ***ked-up attitude!!

v Lingo Language School had returned my money but sadly … not the full amount. This is because registration fee & ESCROW account money are non-refundable!!! I hate private schools!!

v I’ve been bumping into more cute guys!!! Muahahahaha!! Those brunette dudes … from the bus … are so ‘CAKEP!!!’

v I actually cooked … after so long!! I’m so proud of myself for cooking the stir-fried vegetables … so delicious!!! Yum Yum!!

v I haven’t read the Gulliver’s Travels book. I’m so screwed!! I hope the Dean doesn’t pick on me!!! Huhuhuhuhu!!! Well I’ve got no time & this means that I have to start looking for a video on that story. So this calls for Central National Library!!! If all else fails, maybe drop the subject?

v I watched Dreaming of Kuan Yin, Meeting Madonna at Victoria Theatre with my best friend. It’s a contemporary dance performance in conjunction with Art Festival. Really fantastic!! I really love the masterpiece of the music and dance choreography!!

v My skin is somehow getting better. Aaawww … I’m so happy!! I’ll be more responsible in taking care of it

v I’m still struggling to save money for this winter’s vacation trip !!!

v I need new shoes and sandals … very badly!!!

v For the 2^nd time in my life, I spent 2 hours … helping my mum to peel off peanuts’ skins!!!

v The prices for Christina Aguilera’s concert tickets are a killer!!! The rates are $98, $148, $188, $228 & $348!!! That’s not even inclusive of $2 sistic fee … seriously they are way over-priced!!! I never spend that much when I went to watch Alicia Keys and Coldplay concerts.

v I’m so tempted to splurge just to watch King Lear. Why does it have to be so expensive? It’s just a play lead by Ian McKellen!! Darn it!! Just recently, I came out with this dumb conversation with Lilah about the cape he wore in X-Men movies. I wonder if he used the same cape when he was knighted by the Queen of England … including any possibilities if her jewelleries were magnetized to his head. LOL!! Maybe I should bring Magneto helmet for his gift?

Overall, life has been good and bad to me. I had to deal with lots of shitty stuffs that were mostly caused by my dad. Taking a 6-month break from school also made me see through what I really want for myself. After all that had happened, I promised myself that I will work hard and pursue things to make myself happy.

To all the big-time suckers who tried to destroy & insult me … What makes you think that I’m wasting my time just because I took a break from studies? Here’s the catch: I know a lot of things way better than most of you ‘stereotypes’ do. Just because I’m changing my major does not mean that I will not graduate. I don’t give a damn about the so-called ‘FAMILY UNION’ or ‘OBLIGATED CONDITIONS’ to lead your own life. So what if you are advancing to a higher level university education? Keep on bragging about your college stuffs … but I can bet with my life that most of you have no idea on what has been taught by your professors. Whatever has been learned will mostly be thrown back into the books coz most of you will never practice it. Continue to study in a fast pace and splurge like water … coz most of you do not carry compassion and empathy. For someone who always received the best things in life, many of you will never understand hardships and emotional trauma some people have to experience. Studying in Informatics wasn’t really a bad thing coz I proved myself that I’m capable of independent learning. How many of you actually learn with humility? Whatever comments you have made, I don’t give a fuck at all. So don’t even think of telling me on what I should do with my own life. After all … I’m a FALLEN ANGEL who REBELS against rules and traditions!! If you’re going to bow your head down to all these stupid obligations, I can only say that you are just too stupid to live your life insensibly, with non-sensical miseries.

As of now, my new term at the American College has started. I was early for class … thinking that I should at least get a sense of direction on where the lecture halls are. My first class was Comparative Economic System, followed by Introduction to Public Speaking. So far, everything is smooth & I never get bored learning them. So I’ve decided to continue learning these 2 subjects for this term. But I ain’t sure of World Literature coz I’m only familiar with British Lit. Another minus points are … this particular course is taught by the Dean & they are conducted in late evenings!! Oh no!!! 3 subjects for this summer term, within 2 months. I wonder if I can deal with it? I wanted to sit in for Intro to Business, but I was already too shagged to even think properly … considering that particular course was from 5 to 8 pm. No way in hell will I be able to survive if I have to come to school for eleven hours!!

Social circles likewise, I made some new friends. However they are kind of too boring for me. But I did get along with 2 Indonesian dudes from Public Speaking class. At least I found some people to get lame with. LOL!! Surprisingly (***EVIL SMILE***) … many people didn’t know that I’m actually an Indonesian-Chinese. I do feel kind of out of place coz I’m way more GLAM than them. Muahahahaha!!! Still, there are also some things that became turn-offs:

§ I couldn’t find any Caucasian guys. Hopefully I get to see some in fall (>_<)

§ There’s quite a number of fashion disasters. Good thing is: I definitely didn’t see anyone wearing leggings or having big artificially-perm hair!! Of course there wasn’t any emo-punks wannabe!!

§ People gave me the weird looks when they found out that I’m an animation student who decided to pursue Fashion as my major.

§ There are more Indonesians than what I’ve expected and sadly, most of them seem to be another ‘stereotypes’.

§ Most of the girls over there are actually quite whiny & has O.C.D!! Oh Dear … I don’t think that my brain is be strong enough to understand their ‘CUTENESS’. ***PUKE!! ***

Overall, the school is pretty small but it’s definitely better than Informatics coz the staff has been great to me. I’m definitely gonna have lots of fun in this school since it’s more flexible & disciplined. Lalalala … I love the American Education System!! Dear God … at the very least, please give me some cute Caucasian guys to look out for. Nevertheless, I’ll do my best to earn good grades from the Liberal Studies & transfer the credits. Broward Community College … here I come!!!

This is it for my update after missing for more than a month. Till next time. Whoever is having your summer holidays … enjoy yourselves!! (“\(^_^)/”)

It’s been a week since I last wrote an entry ... not too bad at all. I guess for now … things for this week have been a bit peaceful. But I don’t know what else can happen since the new week has started. My mum is back in Singapore again. Well, I’m happy to see her again but … one thing I’m not pleased is she has to accompany my dad to Guangzhou - China. I just don’t understand why my dad is so bold to go there to try out their medical treatments when there’s no law & order over there? I wish he would sober up & do his own soul-searching for once. Whatever it is … I already gave up arguing with him. I’ll just do my duty in bringing him to hospital and keeping a lookout on his medications. I don’t even care if he talks bad about us to the relatives. After all, everyone always sees me as a disrespectful, bad daughter. Hahahaha!!! So screw it!! To begin with, those morons are not worth to be respected. All they do is just brag about their wealth and insult people who are less fortunate than them. This is the kind of environment that I grew up in. Everyone always suck up to one another and it’s really disgusting. As a result, I’ve a problem in trusting people. The only good thing is … I’m thankful to God for giving me the intelligence to not be like them. Thank You God for keeping my soul safe from those corrupted, brainless family. I mean seriously … What’s up with them and their fake LV-Murakami bags? Not to forget, their big-pearly necklace and earrings!!! Ugh!!! I’m thankful that I grow up to have a GLAM style of my own.

The maid is now starting to be a complete idiot!!! I can’t wait for the day when she goes back to Indo!!! Her attitude is driving everyone insane!!! I guess that’s partly a reason why my dad gets moody easily. Some of you are aware that Keiko (a Chihuahua dog) stayed at my place for a short period of time. Just when my sis was preparing to leave the house, the maid started making claims about Keiko pooping on the balcony. How can Keiko move around when she was already in her bag? What pissed me off even more was … she actually sucked up to my dad, complaining that the dogs should be thrown away. Who the fuck does she think she is? My dad told me about it when I came home for awhile. But I already explained that it’s none of her fucking business. She’s just hired to take care of him … not to mind the dogs!!! First of all, my sis & I never do anything stupid to let the dogs loose around the house. I would always take the responsibility to clean up any mess created by the dogs. We do respect her religion belief but the words she says … clearly shows that she’s bloody rude!!! I’m fully aware that Muslims aren’t allowed to come into contact with a dog when it’s wet. But I’ve never heard of this rule saying that they are not even allowed to step on dropped off, dry fur. I’ve asked some of my friends and they said that shed furs/hairs is completely irrelevant. If I’m wrong, someone please correct me.

Anyways, she’s bold enough to threaten us that she would walk around the house with her sandals even if there’s a tiny, weeeny bit of dog hairs on the floor. She dares to underestimate us just because of 2 innocent dogs!!! She thinks that she’s way more superior than them. Now Keiko is back to the owner’s place & I really miss her!! However … another worry has also dawned upon me. Boba is now back on the main balcony coz my mum is here. So I’m worried if the maid will put any poison to his bowl. I hope it won’t happen. If she dares to do anything, including stealing or damaging anything that’s valuable … her head will ROLL!!! What I’ve also noticed is … she’s stopped applying the medicated cream to my dad. Becoz of that, my dad’s skin is getting drier and flaky. I’ve always wondered that she uses my dad’s temper as an excuse of not doing her job. It’s even more unimpressive when I found out from my dad that she’s actually been eating his snacks so freely. No wonder all the instant noodles in my house is gone!!! She’s like a 2-headed snake ... playing her wild cards to suck up again. The moment my mum arrived home, she started complaining any possibility of dog hairs dropping on the floors … just because Boba was running out towards the door? What kind of stupid thinking is that? I can’t wait to see more dramas of her getting more scoldings from both my parents!! She’s gonna regret this!!! Muahahahaha!!! Some of you may think that I’m unreasonable but think again … why would anyone try to find fault with you over something that’s redundant?

Bah!!! I shall remain kind and patient … but less generous. Things in my family aren’t that stable anyway. Since so many people are trying to drive us to our graves, I shall play their game. I’ll play until they are completely destroyed. They’ll regret for messing around with people like us!!! They think we are born yesterday? How low can you go?

So let’s move on. Last Saturday, I chilled out with Lilah, my best friend, again. We did the usual fun stuffs and of course … I saw this beautiful dress by John Galliano at Forum Mall. I wouldn’t mind buying it if it’s sold at a 3-digit figure instead of 4!!! Haiz!!! On the overall, I really enjoy myself on that day from gossiping to all the long walks!!! Oh well … I’ll definitely work hard!!! I promise myself that all the beautiful things that I dream for … shall be paid with my own hard-earned money!!! Oh yeah ... when I went online, I also saw 2 lovely black dresses, one from Cavalli & the other from Versace. I was staring at the pictures for quite long without even blinking!!! Anyways, I’ve got to sleep now. Time now is 3:10 a.m.!!! I still have to bring my dad to NCC again!!! Haiz!!!

So now it’s Sunday, 8 April 2007. First of all, I wanna wish everyone Happy Easter Day!! And please don’t give me Easter eggs or else, I’ll screw your eyeballs till they look like broken egg-yolks!!! Right now, I’m alone in my room, munching on my Meatballs Marinara sandwich that I bought from Subway.

The first week of this month has been 50/50 for me. I mean 50% good & 50% bad!!! Why’s that? Well, let’s start with the bad ones first:

§ The Lingo Language School is taking such a long time to process my fees that’s supposed to be refunded!!!

§The idiotic bank officer from UOB Parkway branch never call back to explain about the home loan matters!!! As a result, I’m the one who gets into trouble coz my dad thinks that I never bother to do it!!! Fucking asshole!!! I’m gonna call & scold him tomorrow!!!

§ I’ve been postponing my application to the American College because of stupid money issues!!!

§ Church service on Good Friday was boring & I couldn’t concentrate. I dozed off during the sermon and what’s even more disastrous was … there were KIDS everywhere!!! Aaaarrrggghhh!!! I thought my ear drums were gonna explode from all their screaming and crying. I HATE KIDS!!!

§ I’ve been running away from home again for the past two days. One of my relatives (also another trouble-maker), the BIG-MOUTH BITCH has been coming over to my house to see my dad. Who the fuck in the world does she think she is? Thanks to her, I’ve not been having enough sleep coz I had to run away from home.

§ I’m SUPER BROKE!!!! Huhuhuhuhu!!!! My money has been spent mostly on food plus my dad’s medicines!!! I really miss those days when I lived alone!!!

§ My venture to search for goose liver has not been successful!!! I went to all the
supermarkets in famous areas like ORCHARD ROAD, Plaza Singapura,Vivo City, City Hall & Bugis, but to no avail!!! I might have to make special order & it may cost me extra money!!! Huhuhuhu!!! I really want to eat pan-fried goose liver again!!! (>_____<) Is there anyone who knows to cook Pan-fried Goose Liver for me ….. Pleeeaaassseee?!

Just by looking at the photo of the food, it gives me the passion to work hard. This is one of the important reasons on why I want to be successful in my fashion business in the future!!! Not just for my desire to live in a nice penthouse or for the honor of my mum & sis. I want to earn lots of money so that I can eat goose liver anytime and as much as I want!!! To most people, SEX is the greatest pleasure in life. But for me … eating delicious food is my greatest pleasure in life!!! I want to eat all the good food before the time comes for me to rot to pieces. I mean seriously, how can anyone not be so adventurous to try out luscious things into their mouth? Imagine … eating a sumptuous meal. Feel the tenderness of the food as you sip it into your mouth.

A small message to all my Asian friends, especially the guys …. Why waste your time & money on your monthly internet bills to watch porn or play games … when you can appreciate European culture through food and cultural gestures? By appreciating these small little things, you guys are not only opening yourself to see the world … but also teach yourself to be more gentlemanly & respectful to women. If you don’t believe, ask yourself these 2 questions: Why is it so hard to win the heart of a decent girl of your dreams? Why do most women find men boring and dump them, after some time?

So what’s it got to do with food? Someone said this to me before, “One of the easiest routes to impress a person is through his stomach”. Cooking a decent meal depicts one characteristic of a person. The effort you put in, sincerely from your heart, tells the person how special they are in your life. It’s okay if you mess up in your presentation … the most important thing is you’re precise with the ingredients and got the taste right. At least you tried!!! I mean look at it … most of the oriental cuisines like spicy Kang Kong, have never appeared in a most presentable way. But of course I don’t mean to say that you can cook fried Kang Kong for your Valentine’s Day dinner or anniversary meals!!! Do that only when you’ve made your decision to dump your lover. Just add in lots of expired sambal belachan sauce into the vegetables and force him/her to eat it!!! Well, this is what I call the final sweet revenge!!! By the way, please do not get offended on whatever I wrote from the previous to this present paragraph. I never say that you all should diss off your own traditions and beliefs. I’m just trying to convey that y’all should learn to bend the rules.

So what about the good things that happened during this week? Hmm ….

§ I bought a pair of black ear studs from Far East Plaza at $1.90!!! Actually if I bought 3 pairs, I’ll only have to pay 5 bucks. Sad to say, I only found one pair that
suits me.

§ I finally get my laundry done. The laundry machine at my house is completely broken. So I had to go all the way to Alex’s apartment to wash off my clothes.

§ I cleared some spaces of my wardrobe. I removed all my old pants and baggy jeans. Still got a few more to go, but I’m happy!!! Now I’ll have more space to keep all my new clothes!!! Of course I learned from my lesson that I should never be compulsive in choosing what I want to buy … coz in the end, I never make use of it.

§ My beloved sis was so kind to buy me salmon sashimi. We really had a good dinner last Saturday. Yum Yum!!!

§ I hung out with Lilah on Good Friday. We did our usual stuffs together and alas …
we’ve found a new territory for chit-chatting!!! Not to forget, we’ve found a new way to board a Night Rider bus late at night. [Hi gal!!! Thanks for hanging out with me. I’ll always have fun with you and I hope that we get to do more crazy stuffs again!!! Love ya!! ]

§ I saw some cute guys today!!! Muahahahaha!!!

§ I found the long-lost Japanese manga series that I’ve always wanted for. I spent one night downloading it until the website server became slow!!!

Well, I guess that’s for now on what I can write here. Time now is 2:44 a.m. and it’s already Monday!!! Haiz!!! Got to sleep now coz I’ve to bring dad for his check-up and chemo treatment at National Cancer Centre later. Till next time!!! I’m gonna have brain concussion soon!!! Sayonara!!! (“\(^_^)/”)

For some reasons, things just went out of hand. I’ve reached to the point, whereby I’m slowly losing my sanity, such that I’m tempted to jump down from my apartment. I just feel so tired having to attend to my dad & endure his baby-like attitude!! Every little problem of his chronic illness has been lashed out at me. Is it my fault just because he doesn’t want take his medicine on time? I believe that I’ve instructed the maid on the medicines he has to take. I never even fail to give the chemo oral medications to him. The only reason why I separated the chemo oral medications is because they are cytotoxic. This means, those oral medications must be handled in the most hygienic method. I swear to God that I’ve done my duty. Yet he dares to say that I hide all his medicines away? Last Sunday, he barged into my room and said that he’s throwing away the medicines that the doctor has prescribed to him. You know … I can’t be bothered anymore and all I said in my mind was, “Fine. Go ahead!! If you want to die, suit yourself!!!”

I postponed some of my plans just so that I could help to take care of him. In fact, I’m doing this only for the sake of my mum and my sis. I committed my time just to bring him to the doctor for a check-up and chemo-therapy. Yet he’s never satisfied. The things he does can sometimes make me blow up!!! When a small infection occurs in his skin, he’ll bitch about the doctor. I’m aware that he’s in pain, but I wish that he would learn to be more sensible for himself as well. He always has a habit of eating his meals late, in spite of being reprimanded for countless times. If he doesn’t want to change his bad habits, how can we even help him? What’s more … my sis always takes a great deal of care in cleaning his wound at his right leg. But he always mess it up by scratching it. By right, this kind of thing is only cleaned once in 5 days and now, it’s become a once-in-three-days session. How ludicrous is that? Does he not even know that everyone is also busy with other stuffs? He only cares about himself but doesn’t see our own problems as well.

Out of honesty, I’ve always been trying to keep myself patient. Unfortunately, I realized that … over the time, he takes things for granted. When he was critically ill & couldn’t walk, I sent him to the hospital through an ambulance. So he was hospitalized for a week, and guess what? He scolded me for taking him to the hospital. There I was … worrying like hell, till I couldn’t sleep for more than 24 hours. I had to drag him by myself when he needed to go to toilet. I took all the initiatives to get to hospital by myself coz no one was around to help me. I did seek for help from one person but he turned me down. Instead, he gave me some crappy excuses and suggestions that were completely stupid!!! At least now I know that a highly –spiritual, ambitious person can turn out to be worse than a dumb blonde!!! What increased the tension was … when my mum came to visit, he kept on complaining over the food served by the hospital. All his childish behaviors made almost everyone in the ward gave us the cold shoulders.

Someone, please tell me!!! What is the most justified method for a father to treat his wife and daughters with respect? He would wallow himself in pity-ness and talks bad about his own wife & daughters. Now he dares to say that I am the one who torments him. Great!!! Just great!!! So now I am the evil one!!! Hahahahaha!!! So does that mean he wants to me to go to hell with him as well? You all may think that I’m the one who’s being bitchy here. If you don’t believe me, I can prove it to you if you stay under my roof for 3 weeks. Just 3 weeks … and you shall witness everything!!! For the whole twenty years of my life, I have seen and experienced things that are still considered as incredulous to many people. One thing for sure is … ‘FAMILY’ and ‘TRUE LOVE’ are no longer in my dictionary. Those words have long been dead, buried inside my bleeding heart. The only family I’m left with is: My mum, my sis Yulia, Boba & Lilah, my best friend.

Nowadays, I rarely come home too. I would always take the opportunity to escape from the house, as long as I have enough money and energy to move around. When I go out, I would take my own sweet time to enjoy myself and then come home late. The sound of ‘coming home’ is now a depressing tone for me. What’s even funnier is that, I’ve actually deprived myself of the space I can make use at home. It’s all been reduced to either my bedroom or my sister’s room. I never use the dining table anymore, including watching TV. The house that my sis & I are living in now is no longer home for us. The worst thing I’ll do if something happens is just to set up a tent at East Coast Park. I miss living alone. I miss of having the house just to my sis and myself. I miss being loved by a man (Ugh! Can’t believe I said that!!!). I miss organizing parties and inviting friends over to my place!!! I miss all these things.

For the past few days, my sis & I have been running away from home coz the fucking relatives are coming to my place, visiting my dad. What really pisses me off the most is that FUCKING WOMANIZER uncle of mine!!! Who is he to order people around? Does he not know that if he dares to threaten me & my sis, we can complain him to the police? At this point of time, I’m so tempted to get a restraining order. No matter what words he uses to threaten us, I’ll never let him lay a finger on my mum, as well as trying to take whatever my family has. My sis & I will prove it not just to all the people who looked down us, but to everyone else … that we can be more successful than them, without having to cheat around and lick other people’s shoes!!! FUCKING WOMANIZER … who is he to be involved into my family’s problems? He should reflect himself on the mirror again!!! He calls himself righteous, and yet he keeps a mistress, who happens to be the niece of his wife? What’s even funny is that … everyone, except his own wife, knows of the daughter born from their secret affair. In fact, he gave this crappy excuse to his wife that he wants to adopt a daughter since they only have sons in their family. That means till today … his wife doesn’t know of his secret affair with her niece!!! Chinese men completely disgust me!!! They always brag about their wealth non-stop!!! Brainless morons!!! May you rot to pieces in hell!!!

(Margaret pauses for 30 minutes … and takes a breather)

All this time, I kept on telling myself to be more understanding. But ye know what? After some serious discussions with my sis, I’ve learned to reason out with my own heart and decided to stop being lenient to those morons. I shall continue my job in bringing my dad to National Cancer Centre for his usual appointments. However, if he dares to mess around with me by bitching around with his ‘GOD-LY SIBLINGS’ again …. he’s gonna regret it!!! He’s so hopeless that he doesn’t know his own daughter will bite him back a million times worse. So much for taking care of an adult, who behaves like a baby!!! He’s never satisfied and always takes all the best things for granted!!! Y’all just don’t know how much hatred I’ve carved inside my dead heart. I don’t mind if his siblings want to help him in finding cure for his illness. But whatever they are doing right now … are not helping at all coz they (including my dad) have been backstabbing us for no reason. It’s none of their business to be involved in our own family issues and lecturing us what to do!!! They are neither my parents nor even GOD!!! I even kept the letter that his ‘FUCKING WOMANIZER’ brother wrote. How dare he threaten to throw the dogs out by forcing our bedroom doors open? That old geezer is so stupid to leave his name and signature in that letter!!!

(FUCKING WOMANIZER!!! We are gonna blackmail you sooner than you know!!! Today’s technology is so advanced!!! Let’s see who will have the last laugh when we exploit you to the whole world?!?! You just wait until you cry your pants off!!! You are playing with fire!!!

If you dare to break open our bedrooms, we are gonna call the police and charge you!!! I can’t wait for the day when you crawl in shame!!! Oh by the way, I’ll always remember all the things that you’ve done to all of us. Those actions including all the threatening letters you’ve been writing to us … I’m keeping them even if I have to haunt your family!!!

NOBODY DARES TO FUCK AROUND WITH ME!!! )

Damn!!! I feel so much better after writing it all down!!! I’ve always been hesitating since it’s a personal matter … but now, those morons have crossed my boundaries. To my friends out there, please don’t misjudge me. If you can understand me, I hope you can see how much difficulties I am in. In the first place, I never asked for this to happen. Shitty things always happen out of nowhere. I’m sorry if this recent incidents have affected my relationship with some of you. I didn’t mean to be rude too. It’s just that I’m feeling extremely stressed & frustrated. Besides, my dad is leaving for Guangzhou soon. (P.S: His big-mouth sister offered to take him there for treatment and he accepted it without even questioning her)

Hey Lilah … I promise that I’ll make up the lunch appointment with you A.S.A.P. I hope to chill out with you again. Love love!!!

Looking at this post, I’ve realized that this is the first time I’ve written such a long entry. But I guess it’s a good alternative for anger management. One advice I wanna convey is: NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO TAKE AWAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE … EXCEPT FOR YOURSELF .

There’s only so much to be said and done, but it’s always important to stand up for yourself coz your dignity is not worth sacrificing. Whether it’s for yourself or for your loved ones, always stand up. Be cautious in your words too. That’s the only way to protect yourself and your loved ones from getting hurt. Well, time now is 3:40 a.m. I’m gonna crash to bed now. I still have to wake up early and run away from home again!!! Saint Margie is signing out!!!

Happy Birthday to Me!! Finally I’m 20 years old!! I’m so glad that my teenage years are over. Double celebration, but I like it, though it was simple. For this twentieth year of my existence in this world, I have finally learnt to open my eyes and rethink on who I can trust. Why do I say so? Well, it has come to my senses that when people change, they will really forget about you (you know who you are … POSERS!!!) Either way, they will only turn to you when they need your help. Anyways, I have a long list of people to thank for their pure sincerity and initiatives in remembering me. Thank you for making it meaningful and happening for me. Y’all totally spice up my life.

§       My dearest Sis Yulia - Thank you for taking your time off to celebrate with me. A word of THANKS is just not enough to tell you how grateful I am for everything you’ve done. I hope that we’ll have more fun before I leave. I love you SIS!!! All the best for your work!!

§       Alex – Thank you for the strawberry cheesecake and movie treat!!! I really enjoyed my eve of birthday. ‘Music & Lyrics’ movie was great & now I know that Hugh Grant can really sing!!!

§       MUM – Thanks for finally remembering me. I wish that you’re here. Thanks for everything you’ve done to support us all this time. I assure you that I’ll focus well in my studies when I go to Ryerson University. You’re always in my prayers.

§        INTONE – Thank you for the birthday greeting. For the 1^st time in my life, I received a warm greeting from a rock band. I’m looking forward to see you guys perform on 5 August, at Bethany Church.

§       Martin – Thank you for being the first friend to wish me at 12 midnight. Domo Arigato yah dah ikut celebrate & pergi dugem barengan. Whuehuehue!!! Cheers!!!  v(^o^)v

§       Q~Teen – Thanks for dropping me a testimonial. Good luck for your remaining 3D projects. Semoga bisa cepet kelar & dapet nilai bagus yah? Hope to see you soon!!!

§       Mbok Novi – Thanks for remembering me. Finally, after months … we finally get to chat for awhile at MSN. Loe koq menghilang melulu sich? Lagi sibuk pacaran ya? Hahaha!!! Hope to catch up with you more. Good Luck in Melbourne Uni!!! Oh yeah … please send my regards to that monkey friend of mine.

§       BONE (aka Lil’ Missy) – I’m deeply apologetic for being late that time. Yet … Thank you for the handmade birthday card. You know that message really moved me. Rest assured that I will always stand up for him, even till the need arises one day. Like what I’ve said before, I never thought of him in a negative view. Well, I can’t wait to go to England with you & your bro this Christmas!!! Muahahahaha!!!

§       Bobby Washington – Thanks for your message. Of course, I enjoy being beautiful!! Well, I really like your style of music. Looking forward to hear more. I’m really honored to bless your page. LOL!

§       Tovia – Thanks for your message as well. I’m glad that you’re doing fine. Indeed it’s been so long & I hope to catch up with you soon. Holler back at me. Good luck for school & I truly appreciate your sincerity.

§       Elizabeth (aka Bird) – I had fun meeting you and your date at The Balcony. Sorry I had to go to toilet more often coz I threw up a lot. Anyways, thank you for being nice to my sister. Cheers!!!

§       John Petro – That photo of you with your dog is really cute!! You’re really artistic and I can see why people patronize your tattoo parlor. Keep it up!!! Perhaps I should get you to do a tattoo for me, when I come to California next time? LOL!!!

§       Marcel, Ryan, Nathaniel & Keith – Thanks for remembering. The TAMAGOX girl would love to meet you guys!!! Muahahahaha!!! (Oh yeah … NAT! If possible, please bring me Krispy Kremes donuts!!! Thanks a million!!)

§       And finally … Jenny, Honey, Stefan, Candra, Ana & Ervi – Thanks for the belated birthday greeting.

Anyways, I’m gonna watch my movie now. The rent is already due and I’ve to return it later. Saint Margie is crashing out!!!  (“\(^_^)/”)

I’m broke!!! Huhuhuhu!!! (T_________T) Hiikkss!!! Sob Sob!!

With all the money spent on the house and my dad’s necessities, I’m now going into poverty!!! My mum hasn’t got the time to send money to us & I know it won’t be appropriate to ask her as well, since she has her own problems to deal with. Besides, my aunt is also being a bitch …. Trying to control the money. I mean who is she to make decisions on our needs? Not only that!! My relatives are also creating trouble for my family!!! One problem always comes after the other!!! For how long must we bear all these shit?!?! I still have to pay a security deposit fee of a grand to the ICA, including another $1580 for my school fees. Damn it!!!

I guess my last resort is just to change all my US dollars (as if I’m so willing) since things are so messed up. So I’ve decided to let go some of the important things:

§ I’m not gonna watch Phantom of The Opera after all. That also includes cutting down my spending on other entertainments.

§ I’ve decided not to do anything for my 20^th birthday. I mean think about it: NO MONEY means NO CHOCOLATE FONDUE!! I always go to Max Brenner’s every year on my birthday to eat Chocolate Fondue, but I guess I might have to cancel it this year. (-______-“) Haiz!!!

§ No money for new bag and wallet. I guess I’ll just have to be stuck with my    old black Jack Skellington wallet and cheap cotton bags.

§ No holiday trips (and perhaps lesser outings?)

§ No jewelries … I have to cut down on my collection of accessories, especially earrings.

§ No golden retriever … I guess I can’t adopt a puppy after all!  (-______-“)    If I want to keep one, I must have the money to buy food and toys for it.

§ Less spending on clothes. At this point of time, I’m still desperate for new pair of pants and jeans!!!

§ Less spending on personal grooming. Geez!! This is still one thing that bugs me. I want to cut my hair but I don’t have the money to go to the salon!!! Huhuhuhu!!! (>_<)

§ Try to get home early whenever I go out with friends. Yeah … this may sound retarded. Unfortunately, public transportation doesn’t work 24 hours. So there’s no way I’m wasting extra bucks by going home in taxis.

Oh well … for now, I just have to be patient. I’ve been through the worst situations before but hopefully, I can manage this time around. Oh God … please help me with my struggle. I can't live in this kind of situation everyday!!! End of my complaints!!! (>o<)