My Heavenly Escapade

Woot!! It’s finally summer and I’m so elated that I don’t have to come to school for classes. Being occupied with personal matters, it didn’t cross into my mind that I have been missing out a lot on new things. But I shall not go into details of my disappearance because I have no obligation to do so.

Anyways, I’ve finally completed all the credits needed for my transfer and ready to apply for colleges. I really hope I can leave for the States by January 2009. I’m willing to take any chances given, wherever it takes me to. Most importantly, I want to learn the course which reflects my passion. I’ve been holding back for so long; and this time, I want to make sure that things work out. Dad has left this world and everyone now has future plans of their own. Most of my friends have also left for good - it feels kinda empty and awkward without them around. Still, I feel really grateful that they’re there during the lowest point of my life. If not for them, I wouldn’t be able to survive this semester.

Life is really unpredictable. We only realize how precious life is until we see something near us disappears. In retrospect, I have changed a lot over the past few months and learned not to expect too much. During my most recent setback, I realized that the people whom you expect to be here for you … never exist at all. Strangely, it’s the people whom I’m not close to are the ones who have been giving me emotional support, while those whom I’ve always thought to be loyal for a long time … they  just ditched me. I guess it doesn’t pay to be kind after all. Plus …it’s sickening to live such a monotonous life, seeing the same stuffs and people bugging me over stupid things. I neither want a life full of obligations nor constantly do things just to please people. Unfortunately, this always happens when people feel distanced, and they try to gain the so-called lost attachment by controlling and using unnecessary faults as personal attacks. It’s so ironic that they continue struggling for control over something, since clearly they are not in control of themselves. 

[To Aaron, Sajib and Maman … I’m sure you guys know what I’m talking about after that incident]

Now back on the track, I have been working on and off for my school to kill some time. I don’t earn that much and they take such a long time to process my wages, but at least I get the exposure to try different types of jobs available. So now, I am looking at how I can make use of this summer vacation, apart from handling my college applications. I want to rebuild my life in my own ways and ensure that I get to go where I want to go, in a piece of mind. As what Aaron and Sajib have told me last time, “Listen to one, do another, it’s your life, to whom it’s the end are you. So never fear because life moves on”. I just want to be happy, so I always keep my options open and not bind myself with rules. In other news, I’m gonna meet Herman in a few weeks. I can’t wait to go over and chill out with him!! Five years of friendship and still counting … I’m so happy that I have such an awesome buddy whom I can bullcrap with, and he’s the only guy who can go shopping with me!! Woooo Hoooo!!! Two weeks over there and I’m so excited!! I’m really looking forward to these moments and not to forget, the new beagle!!! No curfews … No need to answer stupid phone calls … No rotting around … No errands … No need to deal with irritating people!! Nooooooooo neeeeeeddddddd!!! Muahahahahaha!!! 

I just dreamt of that last Holy Communion again. I miss you NORAA!! Not to forget the rest of the peeps: Vin, Jess, Kaori, Sajib, Kevin, Janet, Mika, Rohan, Maman, etc. I love you all!! Thank you for everything!!

Currently listening to Viva La Vida by Coldplay

It’s almost two months since I last post my entry. Let’s just say that I have lost my interest in blogging. I have been rotting my life away in meaningless ways during the school holidays, and again, I could not even go for any vacation trips. I seriously need to do something about my life here and should stop waiting on SOME PEOPLE who always give me empty promises. Now that my close friends are back in Singapore, I don’t have to live a life of a hermit anymore. It feels like I’ve completely lost touch with the world and I need to replenish my mind. Well the new term in school isn’t that exciting, since the timetable is messed up and I’m only taking four subjects. Four general education subjects and only two of them (I think?) are useful for my transfer to the States. But I am confident that I can handle it way better for this semester. Just like what I always do all these time: BULLSHIT MY WAY THROUGH and I will definitely pass. Believe me, I have never failed any of my subjects so far and that also includes of never scoring a D. For this New Year, I actually made some resolutions for my own good.

1)     Drink Less … I mean not to dehydrate myself, but to cut down on my alcohol intake. It’s just that during the last few months, I’ve been partying with friends and drinking non-stop to drown my sorrows. I’m not taking any chances of developing beer belly or hormonal imbalance.

      2)     Clear my stuffs and sell them away quickly before I move out of Singapore.
 

3)     Do something about my course transfers to the States ... BCC is so darn slow in processing it.

4)     Chase after the morons who still owe me my stuffs or money perhaps.

5)     Stay away from people as best as possible ==> I’ve become cynical over the time and realized that too much of human interaction is the fatal flaw that leads to your downfall. Thus, I’ve also turned into an agnostic on the view of religion. I already have enough good friends, so I ain’t desperate in asking for more since I’m leaving soon.

There, just 5 simple resolutions and I’m not asking for anything else. Chinese New Year is coming next week, but I’m not fully looking forward to it because this whole event is more to spending time with family. As some of you know, I am not family-oriented because of the way I grew up, and I was always alone since my ugly childhood days. Besides I am only close to my 3^rd elder sis, and we don’t make fuss over stupid things, unlike everyone else.  Talking about festive seasons, I had some random conversation when I hung out with Aaron, Jessica and Rohan last Saturday. I realized that we have almost similar thinking on this issue. We hate Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving and any other occasions that involve large family-gathering and mundane stuffs.  Here are our reasons:

*    Christmas ==>When it’s time to give, it’s also time to lose.

Just because it’s always end of the year, it doesn’t signify anything. My dear friends, I am sure you all agree that this is just some marketing scheme lured by the greedy business corporations and some corrupted, self-proclaimed HOLY organizations.

*    Valentine’s Day ==> The CORNIEST CELEBRATION ever to exist in the universe!!! I feel terribly sorry for those who chunk their money away on useless gifts and flowers-soon-to-wither. Valentine just happened to appear from the name of two men who were Christian martyrs!!! I’m so glad that I never have to make such a big deal of this stupid occasion with any of my ex-flames.

*    Thanksgiving ==> I’ve never been through it before, but according to NORAA, the great master chef from Le Cordon Bleu, it’s all about the turkey feast that becomes the big deal. LOL!!!

Not that we have anything against traditional beliefs, but we feel that all these commercialized celebrations have resulted in human congestion. What do we gain from all these? Limited pleasure that will be forgotten in time? Somehow, I find that the Hindu Deepavali and Muslims Hari Raya celebrations are more significant as these communities are more humble in their own ways. These two communities don’t even need large human congestion to display the pride of their own heritage.

Time now is 15 minutes to 5 a.m. I shall conclude this post and go to bed.  I still have Macroeconomics class at 12.30 p.m. later and must get up by eleven o’clock!! Well, at least I finally managed to write something here. I’m now missing all my friends already!!! I hope I can hang out with them this coming weekend and we'll probably have an outing very soon. Till next time peeps!!! Au revoir!!! 

                          --------Listening to Mirror by Ayumi Hamasaki ---------

Time now is 1.50 a.m. Boy am I glad that I’ve cleared two of my major assignments. I just finished Children’s Literature exam on Monday.  Surprisingly, it’s easier than what I expected. One subject down … Four more to go!!! It won’t be long before the holidays and I hope I can get through this. I know it’s kind of early to say it but I actually made a list of the things for this miserable holiday season.

1)      I wish that people would stop finding faults with me coz I don’t think it’s necessary to waste my life dealing with stupid things.

2)    Enforce my message on some morons who still ask me about things between me and my ex. I don’t understand how some people still expect me to be with that dude when we’ve broken up for more than a year. I wish they would just shut the hell up and find someone else to bang around.

3)    Clear my old stuffs and sell them away quickly. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, but I’m always busy with school.

4)   Venture more into cooking and baking. Food is all about love and I want to show my love to the people around me … through their stomachs.

5)    Travel!!! Anywhere is fine, if it’s possible as long I can escape Singapore. But it seems that I might not be able get the chance. I hate seeing the same faces everyday!!!

6)    Catch up with some people whom I really adore coz it just feels like a century since I last met them.

7)     Get good grades so that I can transfer to a good Uni in USA!!

8)    Dress!!! School’s graduation dinner is coming and I want to look GLAM!!! But I’ve set a budget as well coz it’s just pointless to spend so much for one event.

9)    Save up for Nintendo DS Lite or Nintendo Wii!! Actually Nintendo Wii is waaayyy awesome!!!

10)  Get a new mp3 player. Still considering this … but it seems that only i-Pod provides the best selections and I’m not a big fan of that brand.

11)        New purse. Time to put my old Jack Skellington wallet to rest.

12)       New shoes!!! Not just heels, but sport shoes and sandals too!!

13)      New bags and clutches!!! My bags are wearing out!!!

14)      New make-up sets ... Something I can’t live without!!

15)       X’Mas prezzy for my sis.

16)      Cut down on binge eating and drinking … I definitely need to control myself. I must stop drinking after Random III … until I lose some weight.

17)       New nighties and garments.

18)      Keep up with the latest anime that I’ve been missing out.

19)      New piercing. I know this sounds lame, but I’m having a skin irritation from my right ear.

20)     Finally … FOIE GRAS!!! I don’t care what it takes as long as I get to eat it and, it must be fresh and tender!!!

21)       Hair extension … just a lil’ bit of blue or purple. Don’t know why but I just want to look different for once.

I guess that’s all. I know the list is odd since there are 21 of them. I mean … the number does coincide with the age I’m turning to in 3 months time. But when I look over them again, majority of them are just personal things to make myself feel good. One thing that I really want is just to go MIA and nothing else. It doesn’t matter even if I were alone coz the way I’m living rite now is not helping me in any way. People ask me whether I’m ok and I just said “YES, Don’t worry about me”. The truth is that's always not the case. A white lie will always be the most convenient answer. Everyone will be saying the same things: “Hang in there” or “Please take good care of yourself”. So I’m sick of listening to the same old stuffs.

Somebody told me before, “What's the point of holding onto a friendship when the other party doesn't even give a fuck even though both of you are drifting apart?” Actually, I don’t give a damn either coz I already sensed it from long ago and my efforts to communicate with the other party were useless. Enough of craps like “Yeah I hope to see you soon” and “I miss you! Let's meet!!”

If you want to meet me, then you should start doing something about it instead of just saying it. I realized that people who do this are only associated as “Far acquaintances”.  These morons will just pop out of nowhere and approach me when they are bored and lonely or need my help. I don't need many friends. Those who stick around, matters more to me.

I think the same case can also be referred to this lame term called “LOVE”. I see it as a circle and it’s never eternal. The beginning is always fresh as a rose, but throughout the progress, things may end up in bitter or awkward manner. To those of you who feel that you’ve found “THE ONE” for yourselves, then good for you. No offense though, but why lead your life so superficially? I think there’s more to life rather than immersing yourself in commitments like marriage and starting a family. We are all going to die anyway. As far as how I’ve witnessed things in life, humans will always want to gain benefits. In marriage, they will always expect:

a)     Financial securities -> If there’s no assets, do you think people still have the guts to flaunt their wealth to the whole world?

b)    Pleasure from heavy sexual activities which happens mostly once in a blue moon. Unless one side of the party becomes unfaithful and starts fucking around with another affair.

c)     Children to continue the family line -> The convenience of having children is so that everyone can be dependent on one another until they die. In another retrospective, things can be different if we apply Plato’s teachings from The Republic: “Separating children from their natural parents since birth”

d)    Social standings -> I’m sure that many people can’t live without it. Thus the reason why so many brainless morons enjoy kissing other people’s asses.

Now, that’s just something I derive from my observations. Like what I’ve said beforehand, “No offense”. So don’t take it seriously if you don’t agree with me. My views just happen to be different and I still believe in the freedom of choice. In fact, I actually admire couples who are just contented with each other’s company and don’t believe in having kids. Oh … and I used to think that pre-marital sex is sinful, but when we look at what’s happening today, it is something that will never be avoidable. Some people just can’t contain their infatuations and they need to let it out. One dude used to tell me that if you really like the person, then just do it. But can you really trust the other party wholeheartedly, if you want to get into that stage? That’s just something I can never comprehend how some people can still survive, till today. If not for the bible teachings and the STDs, maybe I would have dared myself to find out more. Hahahahahaha!!! 

1) How Mr. Chaplain (the psychology teacher) has the french-sing accent and calls peoples names randomly in class, as if it is part of his lecture notes
2) How Sarah Small would always challenge Mr. Chaplain (psychology teacher) and Dr. Burik (philosophy teacher)
3) How Kari would not only argue about God in philosophy class but can also go on and on talking about it with anyone
4) How people randomly sneak out of class or anytime they are at school and go to the small convenience shop downstairs to buy snacks and drinks.
5) How Alexander walks in with poise in every class of his and project his views on sexuality
6) Kevin's out of nowhere “CHEE-BAI(s)”
7) Mark's random house parties [Please see Random I & II albums]
8) Kevin playing the arcade thing at the machine by the canteen
9) How Navin, Gautam, Alex and Marco would play the table football thingy
10) How people don’t really like talking to the Dean
11) Floorball trainings during Tuesdays and Fridays
12) Having floorball matches at Valhall and getting injured & high-sticked
13) How smokers meet up by the stairs [90% of the people in my school are heavy smokers]
14) The Halloween parties!
15) Hanging out at the student lounge
16) ICE BOX and entrepreneurship students persuading people to buy
17) TAI TI at the student lounge
18) How people hang out at the computer lab and stay there if they skip class
19) How people sneak out of computer class or come in late because the teacher won't notice anyway
20) College algebra students going crazy about college algebra just because it is so crazy
21) Mr. Yu (the comp apps teacher)'s accent, and how he taught us what rubbish bins are.
22) Alex (Chun Kai) yelling 'BASTARD!' after he sneezed
23) Dr. Steven Burik speaking Dutch. *swoon*
24) Sonia's naggings
25) Kevin cross-dressing for Halloween and dancing to 'My Humps'
26) How people would still bring in food and drinks into the classrooms, in spite of the warnings being posted on every door
27) the super LOUD music at the student lounge
28) people rushing to finish up their assignments at the very last minute and still never learn their lessons
29) Delicious food cooked by Aaron
30) Alexander's generosity for letting his friends eat his preserved fruits and giving them a lift in his car
31) Ms Ann Kinsey (the former Healthful Living teacher) finally got fired for being a lunatic case
32) Mr Thomas (the business teacher) enjoys being called HANDSOME
33) Wangki, Aaron and Rohan’s "VERRRY NIIICE"
34) Aaron bringing his guitar and playing random Spanish guitar tunes he composed
35) Howard, Karina and Aaron talking intensely about Ice Box
36) Mr. Lance's (the law teacher) frisbee golf sessions
37) Certain people with HUBRIS (look it up if you don’t know what it means) that will cause their downfall just because its their fatal flaw
34) Rumors that go around like a virus
35) Nicol’s funny reactions towards not so innocent things
36) Somehow associating beer with the Dean ..... [probably the big belly?]
37) All the drama
38) Howard getting all pissed at floorball and ready to attack everytime he has the ball
39) Jibby crashing Dhika’s place
40) Kevin talking about computer games
41) Howard sitting behind his laptop during philo and him and karina living in silence during class
44) Having a tough time saying Chittij when he first came
45) How Alexander said the word masturbation in an obscene manner while Vin was talking to the dean about something important
46) Hanging out and eating at the room beside the computer lab
47) Mark and Agnes being siblings (meaning they live in the same house) but they hardly come to class together
48) Strange noises Aaron make and the dinosaur giving birth noise
49) Nicol’s cute gullibility
50) Bringing drinks to the student lounge
51) Joanna's random hyper trips
52) Sajib and Dhika's Djarums cigarettes
53) Vin's philosophical conversations about Life in the canteen, and everyone just being amazed the way she explains/gives definition to almost anything/everything.
54) Again.....people with "HUBRIS".... ahaha .....Vin finally found this Word For u.
55) Joanna's very out-of-no-where burps!
56) Charlene and Joanna's constant high pitched chit chattering in the G-language and then suddenly bursting out in giggles!!!!!
57) Vin and Nicol's consistent daily routine of kissssssiiinnnggg each other!!! (on the cheek, chill)

58) Everyone in school is alcoholic and narcisstic

59) Alexander's slightly purrrrry "darling" is like the full stop at the end of his sentence. (e.g.: Didn't you know that, darrrrrlingg?) VERY NICE!

60) Wangki's "OH MY GAWD"

61) Navin and his donuts

I’m in the mood to write an entry right now. At this very odd hour, I’m lazy to work on my business essay even though it’s due tomorrow. RAAAAAHHHHH!!! Just feeling lethargic and having no motivation or whatsoever. Why? Why? Why? Why does this always happen to me at a very critical time?!?!  Huuuuaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!  Well, at least I’ve already studied for my French test. So I hope I can make my notch coz I did really bad last time. I shall wear my LUCKY tee-shirt tomorrow. In case you all are wondering what the hell it is, buzz me and I’ll tell you. Muahahahahaha!!!

The past one week so far had been good to me. Let’s see … I managed to focus well in my Business Law test 3. So I hope I get better marks this time. On a brighter side, I actually got B for my Intro to Business essay on the Jimmy Choo company. Plus, I also did well on the pop quiz. At least, this really pulled up my overall grades and I’m glad I had put in my effort.  Dad is surprisingly being obedient this time, and came to the see doctor for his follow-up on Wednesday. Oh … and I even made the wisest choice for not coming to school on Deepavali’s Day. Apparently, the Dean forgot that there was Children’s Literature class. Four of my friends came and waited for almost two hours. Poor fellas. They waited outside the lecture halls, out of nothing, and he didn’t turn up. Well, at least he had apologized to them. LOL!!! Instead I went to Navin’s house for celebration. Food was awesome and of course, there were games sessions and cam-whore acts. I made fruity jelly at home for the party and …… everyone loved it!!! It wasn’t too sweet and they said the taste is just perfect.  I’m so proud of myself. Staying up at 3 am was worth the effort after all!!! But too bad, I forgot to take photo of the jelly. Well, maybe next time when I make a new one. I still owe one to Lilah.

After a long time, I finally get to meet Lilah on Friday. As usual, we started our bitching sessions and I never fail to say something gross, especially about snapping my finger on the HO HO HO’s _ _ _ _. Oh and not to forget about the Tab-TV thingy. Whuahahahaahaha!!!  We wanted to catch up a late-night movie but the timing was wrong. So we went to Starbucks for a chit-chat instead. We’ve made some plans and after much talking, we realized that we cannot TAHAN staying in Singapore for so long. We desperately need to go for a vacation and escape from the faces of the lunatic morons.

As for the weekends, nothing much happened. I only accompanied my mum to Chinatown, on Saturday, to buy some stuffs. And today, I wasted my life away by sleeping like a dead log.  This coming week will be a busy time for me and I don’t think I can meet my friends for dinner. I don’t have a choice either since the Dean is conducting the Children’s Lit for 3 sessions in a week!!! What’s more there’s presentation on the authors and I’ve yet to read the 3 books!!! There’s still a stupid talk on children’s books and it’s on Friday as well. Plus, the final exam for this subject is on the 20^th of this month.  Aaaarrrggghhh!!!  I swear I’ll never want to take another literature class after this and hopefully, this is the last time. 

How I wish I have superpowers. I don’t know how I’m gonna survive this. If only I wasn’t addicted to FACEBOOK, but still … that thing is AWESOME!!! Y’all should sign up for it!!! It’s waaaaaayyyyyyyyyy cooler and much more fun than My Space, Hi-5 or Friendster!!!  It’s time to go. I have to start on my business essay!! Management really bores me to death!!! 

I’ve been busy lately. Feeling stressed up over school work and things at home.  Each time I’m done with one assignment, another load will come again. Whatever it is, I’ve to make sure that I must reach my targets for all my subjects in this semester.  Yet the busy ness just keeps my mind off from some depressing issues, which is quite beneficial in a way, coz I don’t need to waste money on booze. In fact, I am enjoying the fine art of seeking my own comfort. Learning to keep things to myself coz I am losing my trust in people. It’s not a bad thing after all coz I know that if no one actually gives a damn about you, you still have yourself; that is your consciousness to work on.

I went to Random II house party last Friday, and stayed up until 3.30 am. Good thing I brought a friend along. For once in a long time, I finally enjoyed myself and ignored my curfew even though both my parents are at home. Oh well … who cares anyway? I also get to meet Sonia as well. At least I could drink till I was contented and felt better than staying at home. It’s so difficult to study at home. I mean all I can do is just stare at the computer screen, while having to attend to some SELFISH people. I’m sick of listening to people complaining when they are already insensible to themselves. Besides, no matter how much I try to be nice, they will see me merely as a tool for their own convenience. They come to me when they need help, spout those bull crap praises and after some time, they would just avoid me. All those stupid words, “I’m so thankful that I have someone like you”, “Thank you for being the best person”, “You are so kind. I don’t know what I would do if you were not there”, etc ….  I would rather hear a word of “THANK YOU” instead of those pathetic little poetic sentences. I don’t give a damn about what you do to yourself. But is it wrong for me to just drop by and say HI? What harm will it do if I show some sincerity and engage into a short conversation? I never even asked for anything back in return and I bet no one knows about the shit I have to go through from helping them. It’s so easy for people to ask if I’m ok and then apologize for the things that they did to me. But how many of them really mean it? I can already predict that the same thing will happen again.

Oh well whatever. I’ll just have to be patient for now. In time to come, I’ll be leaving for good. By then, everyone would forget about me. I have lost my personal attachment towards almost everything and don’t see the necessity to entertain anyone. I don’t need anyone to miss me coz they can look for someone else as their spare tires.

I can’t wait for December to come. I desperately need to travel out for vacation (hopefully Lilah can make it). It’s tiring having to see the same faces everyday and I need to clear my mind off. School graduation dinner will be at Grand Hyatt Hotel on 14^th December, followed by RANDOM III party in the presidential suite. It’s going to be the final party, since majority of us are leaving. We shall get ourselves wasted with JAGGERBOMBS all the way throughout the night. A night of mayhem that’s worth to be remembered.  Whuahahahahahahaha!!!